On my way home on PCH from Santa Monica I saw a Father and a young son…maybe 4 yrs. old, who had pulled over on PCH and were just looking out at the ocean together …father and son. They were enjoying that moment…..the dad pulled over to appreciate something with his son. They were in no hurry.
It made me think about parenting...and that time not too long ago when my son was 4 yrs. old...and we spent time together...endless time together...days and nights and days and nights. I thought to myself...”I did it right...I gave it 110%”. I gave myself a ”pat” on the back, for once.... a rare thing for most father’s. I remembered the final scene in the movie Saving Private Ryan when the Tom Hanks character was taking his last breath of life on the battlefield after being shot....and he whispered his last words into the ear of the Matt Damon character...it was a directive....he said, “earn this....earn it“, as he slipped from existence. I hope I can say that I “earned it“. I gave it my all....I acknowledged to myself that I was always there for my son. I never let him down....I spent almost every spare moment with him. There is nothing in my life that I would want more to do right. It justifies my whole existence. My greatest role in life was to be a father...and, until the age of 13 or 14 I don‘t think I could have given more. Those years require very little skill for a parent. You just love your kid and get down on your hands and knees with him as much as you possibly can. You let him know in every way that he is always loved and cherished and valued.
Once puberty hit the challenge starts. I can’t say that I have pulled the right strings all the time. It took a lot more nuance to make the right decisions. I felt much more inadequate and confused about how to parent a teenage son. I tried my best, and I continue to try, but I know I have made some poor decisions. Do I expect enough? Do I expect too much? Should I be applying the brake, or the gas? It is a real test to be a father to a teenager.....but, at that moment on the PCH.....I gave myself a ”break”....knowing that I never took the path of least resistance.
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It’s hard adjusting to a life where your role as a parent is more on the margins.....it is a process to get used to that distance....when your kids comprise such a huge part of your focus and time and heart......it can be disorienting.....I guess I must have known the day would come....but I didn’t see it coming...it caught me by surprise. I thought it would last forever......
