Arts & Entertainment
KFC Going to Court to Dispel Rumors of Eight-Legged Chickens
A satirical look at current events!
KFC Going to Court to Dispel Rumors of Eight-Legged Chickens: Among the urban legends that have dogged the fried-chicken chain for years, the rumors about an eight-legged, six-winged chicken KFC supposedly genetically modified to produce a bumper crop of drumsticks and hot wings persists. While KFC vehemently denies the rumors, people who claim to have seen the chickens say these birds can dance just like Fred Astaire.
Bison Injures 2nd Yellowstone Tourist in 3 Weeks: For the second time in three weeks, a tourist is recovering after being seriously injured by a bison in Yellowstone National Park after getting too close to the animals and then underestimating how quickly the big, burly beasts can move when they’re miffed. Distraught tourists who witnessed the attack say all of a sudden the bison began acting just like a bunch of wild animals.
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Woman Becomes Oldest Woman To Finish Marathon at 92: A 92-year-old woman rocked her way into the record books, becoming the oldest woman to finish a complete marathon, displaying a huge smile while being mobbed by well-wishers when she crossed the finish line. While some had nothing but praise for the woman, others were quick to point out the fact that sadly, she actually began the marathon when she was 26 years-old.
Many Americans Having Phone Sex: A recent study found that 38% of American adults report that they have had phone sex over the past year. I tried having phone sex once, but sadly, found myself at a loss for words. Besides, who wants to end up with “hearing aids.”
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Census Bureau Seeking to Redefine Race Classifications: The United States Census Bureau is seeking to redefine the way it classifies people and races in its surveys after many people felt limited or offended by their options available. No kidding, I always kind of resented falling into their “fat, ugly moron” classification.
Texas Mom Glues Daughter’s Hands to Wall: A Texas woman could face life in prison after admitting to beating her 2-year-old daughter and then gluing her hands to a wall. Frankly, I think there’s much better ways to get your child to “stick around the house.”
Kim Kardashian Pregnant With Second Child: Its being reported that Kim Kardashian announced that she is pregnant during the midseason finale of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” her second child with Kanye West. Wow, wonder which direction they’ll name this child? In fact, the directional naming is getting so bad - the couple has been asked to clear everything with Apple Maps before having any more children.
FIFA President Sepp Blatter Stepping Down: After an initial show of defiance, embattled FIFA president Sepp Blatter has announced that he will be stepping down as rumors swirl that he too may be targeted by federal investigators for corruption. Proving once again it can be very difficult to get rid of a bad Blatter. And fortunately, by resigning his post, this Blatter is actually relieving itself.
