A LONG OVERDUE COMPLIMENT TO MY SISTER....AND MY SEARCH FOR PERIPHERAL VISION

It’s not that we never got along....we were just so different that we never really connected. It was largely my fault. We shared many common family experiences, but we were never close. I was the older brother who didn’t have the perspective or willingness to embrace his younger sister. I was generally thoughtful about people back when I was living “at home” but somehow family members, sisters, parents, etc., sometimes received lesser treatment than the general public....I just didn’t connect with her very much. I think I didn’t have the maturity, nor enough empathy back at the time. I didn’t have great peripheral vision.

My kids treat the outside world with grace and courtesy, though not always mom and dad, or each other....it just works out that way in many households.

I was at my niece’s wedding this weekend and I was sitting at the same table as my younger sister and her husband and son. I said something unprecedented. I think it might be due to some experiences that I have had over the last 5 or 6 years that have heightened my sensitivity to others...or, at least, compelled me to not let a complimentary thought go unspoken. I leaned over across my 15 year old daughter and told my sister that she was as nice and kind a person as I have ever met. I meant it. My sister has never shown anger, scorn, resentment, or any negative expressions since the day she took a breath of life. Her life hasn’t been as easy as mine or my older sister’s but nevertheless...she never has anything to complain about.

My sister started to cry. I knew that the tiny effort that I had made to say something that I truly felt was going to go a long way. I hadn’t earned my ”esteemed” position as older brother but a compliment from me was something she clearly valued, but something that she probably thought she would never get. It is surprising how easy it is so say something that will make someone’s day...or even more.

The point of this story is to demonstrate my long term blindness to something important...my blindness and my apparent indifference. In some circumstances I was giving acquaintances more attention than my very own sister. It was a “blind spot”....and I am sure I have others..ones that I intend to enlighten. The other point to the story is how important it is to express positive feelings to others....it is effortless and it can pay huge dividends. Knowing that we have that power to uplift others...what the heck is holding us back?

The wedding was enjoyable and fun...but, years from now I think the one thing that I will remember above all else is the look on my sister’s face after I told her something that was long overdue.

There are many things to strive for in life...many things to strive to improve on with every passing day....many strive to attain more and more wealth, others want to refine and improve their skill at something, or ascend a ladder of appreciation or esteem from others......I am convinced that there is no more important skill to strive to refine and improve than the skill of feeling empathy.

“Life is about the opportunities, even the ones we miss” - F. Scott Fitzgerald