Malibu Ice

I’ve thought about writing this blog for awhile. I doubt more than a handful of people will read it but I have hesitated on the thought that I might offend some people. I also hesitated because I wanted to be certain of my motives….writing critically about a place or thing that so many hold so affectionately, almost fanatically, should be done only as an earnest attempt at constructive criticism. If there is any sense of hostility or righteousness then the measure is lost for certain. There can be nothing good from that meeting of pen to paper. That is often un-affectionately referred to as a “rant”. It’s a low form of expression.

So, let’s talk about Malibu…the sacrosanct terrain thereof. I’ll state the obvious….my opinions are mine…they don’t represent the sentiments of anyone else and they aren’t meant to discredit the equally valid sentiments of others.

I moved to Malibu about 7 years ago….I grew up in the San Gabriel Valley and never went to Malibu …ever. My family went south for coastline fun…we had family in Laguna Beach and Newport…..on rare occasion I went to Santa Monica….but Malibu…it was the Moon.

A work opportunity introduced me to Malibu….I didn’t set out to come here….it was a business proposition from the start…..It took some time but I soon warmed to Malibu…it didn’t have the infrastructure I was accustomed to in a beach town, or most cities, but the beauty of living between mountains and seashore was irresistible.

Before long surfing seemed like something I just had to immerse myself in….I had surfed a little as young kid but not for decades….I loved the ocean…….not so much looking at it as scenery but looking at it and living in it as someone who surfs….watching the waves in a different way than I ever had before…experiencing the rich culture at Malibu First Point….the long and continuous beach at Zuma…and the steady reliability of County Line….add an occasional trip to Little Dume or Staircase and it was a “way of life” for me. Having the ocean in your life on a regular basis is incredibly enriching. For anyone who surfs, swims in the open water, boogey boards regularly, paddleboards, etc….you probably know what I mean…it is an amazing privilege to spend an hour or two trying to harmonize with the ocean swells….it is transcendent. It’s like going to Church. You are part of something so infinite and so much bigger than yourself…It is a great metaphor.

“All of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea - whether it is to sail or to watch it - we are going back from whence we came.” – J.F.K.

But, the most important thing to me is my two kids so how they felt about Malibu was of top importance. Thankfully, they love it! They are both thrilled to be here….the transition for them has been more than easy. They have made good friends. They love the life in Malibu.

I do appreciate this town….I have met some good people….I appreciate the culture….I love looking at the mountains and being able to get to a trailhead in just a few minutes. And, of course, the time in the ocean…it’s like living in Aspen if you love to ski. Wow!

There is, though, a component in Malibu that I sense that makes me feel very separate and foreign here. It makes me an outsider…and disconnected (hold that thought). I am not a person who needs close friends in my life though I love people…I love to see the people who work at the restaurants I frequent…I love to say hi to Kelly who owns Malibu Auto Service whenever I see him around town. I enjoy seeing the same surfers who I see almost everyday in the summer at First Point. I just give a nod, and they give a nod. I enjoy my friends/acquaintances at SunLIfe. I enjoy many of my casual friends at Malibu Fitness--Ryan, or Becky, or Claire, and many others…or the Syrian guy who works at the Liquor store at the Zuma plaza…I enjoy seeing the Hispanic guy who delivers pizza at Spruzzo’s. I see him almost every day and I have never seen him without a smile on his face and bounce in his step. He is one of Malibu’s finest in my book. Andy, the bartender at Duck Dive, is someone who always puts a smile on my face.

One of the first guys I met in Malibu was Skylar Peak. He taught me to surf. I am really impressed by how much he has grown and how he has accomplished so much in a short span of life, especially since his father’s premature death. Consider yourself lucky if you get to meet or know Malibu’s Harold Mintz. He gave one of his kidneys to an anonymous recipient….to a lady he never met from Nigeria. He got the idea himself…it was unprecedented and because it was so outside the walls of normalcy Harold had to go through psychological counseling before they would allow him to donate. Imagine that. How ironic that an “extreme altruist”, as I call Harold, is questioned for his sanity.

One of the greatest examples of empathy I know of in this town, or anywhere, is Tom Shadyac. I don’t know Tom personally but I know that Tom is a very successful film writer and director. He had mansions and private planes and all that but he had an epiphany in recent years that led him to sell it all …and give most of it away. He lives in a mobile home now in Malibu. Who does that? When you find someone who liquidates their abundant assets so that they can give their money away to strangers who need a break please let me know. It’s more rare than a pink unicorn. That should be the new Vanguard. (That) should be “catching on”, but it isn’t, and it won’t be….

Do you know Marcos who works at Ollo and Duck Dive? He is Malibu to me. He makes me feel special. Rod Bergen is an extraordinary person of Malibu. He has a CV that will stun you. He has no limits…a super great man who is one of the best leaders anywhere. I am humbled in his presence. Marshall Thompson is a friend and a huge asset to this city. Nobu's Kat Hakim is one of the most elegant and special people I know. She is a close friend. Noah and Gabby and their son Zion are the salt of Malibu. I’ve got their backs and they have mine. Danny Moss…how cool and fun is he? Love that guy!

Have you seen my friend Keith Gubitz? He struggles getting money but he is a very interesting and entertaining guy. I met him through Rabbi Cunin at the Chabad. Malibu belongs to Keith as much as it belongs to any of us.

Largely, though….I sense a lack of warmth in Malibu. I see too many people who (to me) represent an insulation from the rest of humanity, those not in the 90265. I don’t see much humanity and compassion from the rich, super rich, and ultra rich. I am not saying that it isn’t there…just that I don’t sense it. Am I the ultimate judge of compassion in Malibu? Of course not...but I know what I sense and feel. I know what it feels like to be around people who are constantly thinking of other people…not just people in their neighborhood or those others who have keys to Little Dume or who dine at Nobu but the people who are serving them their Chopped salads or their Bowtie Pasta with Pink Sauce; kids who go to Malibu schools but who, with their parents and family, are struggling.

In my opinion, if you have great personal wealth (way more than you could spend in your lifetime) and you aren't famous for your compassion,charity and "real" philanthropy, then you are insufficiently sensitive
to the conditions and pain of others with whom you share a civilization.

“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity” – Horace Mann

This isn’t a scientific study by any means but I can say that except for my daughter, I have never seen anyone give any one of those hispanic workers at Pt. Dume Plaza a handout. Never in 7 years. Those hispanic workers who leave their humble apartments in the dark dawn hours for the 2 hour bus ride to Malibu in the hopes of finding a day job moving rocks or digging holes. I see many people pull into the plaza in their luxurious cars and running around with their Yoga mats but I don’t see any of them interfacing with those humble men standing in front of the B of A. I think it is easy to get insulated when you have a 7 million dollar mansion and your friends have 7 million dollar mansions and you all have luxury cars and ocean views and plane tickets to Bali. I know there are many who do a lot for their pets and animals and that is cool but I just feel like this is a “me” town. Those are my feelings…there are surely tons of exceptions and to those I applaud but on the whole it feels chilly here to me. I don’t know much about the Bible but somewhere it says “To whom much has been given, much is expected”. And, if I may be bold, let me say that if you have intelligence, special talents or perseverance, good looks, charm, or parents who gave you a lot of opportunity or left you a lot of money in the bank…then you are one of those to whom “much has been given”. Thank anyone who will listen that you don’t have to take a bus for two hours just for the chance at a job for the day and a collective civic shunning.

This town is packed with multi multi millionaires…people who could lose a million dollars in the wash and not even feel it missing. What are they thinking about when they see a family that is struggling? Does it trigger anything? For the most part, Malibu insulates us from the less fortunate…Malibu is not like New York City where you can have a 15 million dollar apartment two blocks away from Government housing. Walking the streets in NYC, even on 5th avenue, and you will see every socioeconomic strata that exists, from Bloomberg to beggar. Not so in Malibu….it is largely protected from the less fortunate.

Shamra Tankersley is a person in this town who inspires me. We need more like Shamra. She lives a very comfortable life but she always stays emotionally connected to people who are living on the edge. She gets her hands dirty trying to help the needy in many creative ways. No one would fault her if she didn’t, but she does. I’ll tell you what makes Shamra so great…if you spend more than a little time with her you will know that she is very concerned with people who are struggling….it comes out of her pores. She tries to foster that in her children. You know how when you are around someone who is really funny it always shows in their personality….with Shamra her compassion shows like that. You can smell it on her like a perfume.

Why is that so incredibly rare?

I would love to be rich…the first thing I would do each morning would be to grab a roll of $100 bills as I walked out of my house and pass them out to various people who looked like they needed one. Having lots of money is not just an opportunity but a tremendous privilege. Yes, being rich means you have the joyous privilege of being able to randomly help people you don’t know…lots of them….without even getting your hands dirty. As if the wealthy and the privileged didn’t have enough privilege already.

That is another thing about being strapped and poor…you don’t have the indispensable pleasure of giving. You are lucky if you have the bare essentials for yourself and your family.

“Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about, they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. – George Bailey from “It’s a Wonderful Life”

Back to being rich……I would hire a private assistant to scout for people who really need help….and then I would arrange to have him/her find young people who would distribute the money/opportunity to those people. That way, you have multiple people who are touched by giving…both the recipient, and the giver. Imagine that “ripple” effect. Or, I could put all my money in an overseas slush fund or build a guest tennis court and bathhouse for when guests come over to my estate, or a $300,000 Bentley with a gold plated hood ornament. (sarcasm).

Tom Shadyac will pay for someone’s college just out of the goodness of his heart. He will wake up one day with that determination and he will write that check. A person who may otherwise not have the opportunity to attend college will get theirs paid for by Tom….a stranger. Can you imagine how this could change the course of someone’s life, forever….and even generations after that. That is batshit crazy and as rare as seeing a burning bush in your backyard. But, so many of us could do something of this or similar magnitude, or much smaller magnitude…Any magnitude would be greatly appreciated.

Someone once said, “You are only as happy as your saddest child”. Well, some people on this planet are only as happy as the saddest soul on earth..that is how much they feel for others. Kayla Mueller was one of those, and Oskar Schindler. You can google Kayla.

Imagine if it was freezing cold….you were driving your car down the road and people were sitting with their families by the side of the road and they were shivering…..they had no blankets…..and you were driving by in a truck that was loaded with blankets. You had warehouses full of blankets…..You had millions of blankets. People were sending you more blankets every day…in boxes and boxes. Imagine if you just traveled by and didn’t pass out any blankets and just drove into your driveway and went inside of your house and started watching NFL football. Now, substitute the freezing cold for lack of resources and opportunity. 23% of children in this country are living in poverty. The U.S. ranks 2nd worst out of the 35 developed countries for child poverty. 1 out of 6 people in general are living in poverty in this country.....and people have billions of dollars...a billion is a thousand million for those who haven't thought about it...

What is it about our society (specifically) that makes it so easy for this scenario to be played out so inconspicuously? Society would judge you harshly if you stepped over a man bleeding to death on the street…but if you step over a starving person it is a yawn.

High praise to all of those who are thinking of the less fortunate…I am inspired by you and I benefit from constant reminders to elevate and awaken my own empathy. I have a long way to go to be like a Harold Mintz or a Tom Shadyac or a Shamra Tankersley.

I have begun to think about the fact that our country is going to produce fewer “winners” in the future and many more “losers”. With new technology and automation there is going to be an even greater concentration of money at the top and less opportunity and wealth for the working class. It’s going to be a challenge and it will require the best of ourselves to stay connected to our fellow man, woman, and child. The ones who may be left “holding the sand”. We are going to need a lot more of Bill Gates' type of philanthropy.

Helen Reddy, the multi Grammy winning recording star of the 70’s was asked how she would like to be remembered. She said, “I don’t care if I am remembered at all, only that any good that I have done lives on”.

What good that you and I will do will “live on”?