Man Arrested After Licking Man’s Face and Biting Officer

Man Arrested After Licking Man’s Face and Biting Officer: An Oregon man has been arrested for a 16th time after he licked a man’s face, tried to bite an officer, climbed up a tree and then ran into a restaurant. Is it just me, or does this guy’s behavior seem kind of odd? I'm no psychiatrist, but I'd say there’s a pretty good chance this guy may have some issues. Police say they’re trying to determine if he might be from one of those Hollywood “B movies.” Good grief, those mugshots alone could be the basis of a very captivating art exhibit - because, as we all know, face tattoos are always a good idea!

Iran Releases Physicist after 5 Years in Prison: A physicist has been granted freedom on parole after spending five years in prison on what many felt were trumped-up espionage charges in Iran. Legal experts say he very well could have served much more time, but being a physicist, he was able to bend spacetime and get out early.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

World’s Oldest Fossils Found in Greenland: Geologists in Greenland have discovered what they believe are the oldest physical evidence for life on Earth in rocks that formed 3.7 billion years ago. So if I understand this correctly, the next time some smart-ass native Californian asks me where I’m from originally, I should tell them Greenland?

Study Finds Poor Economy Means Less Traffic Deaths: A new study out of the Brookings Institution found that fewer people die in car crashes when the economy is not doing well, with every additional 1% increase in unemployment resulting in 5000 less auto fatalities per year. In a touchingly dramatic outpouring of social responsibility, many large corporations promised to do their part by sending lots more jobs overseas.

New Data Shows Sperm Quality Suffers After Age 35: According to researchers at Reproductive Technology Laboratories in Los Angeles who analyzed sperm from men between the ages of 16 and 72, sperm quality significantly begins to decrease after 35, making it significantly more difficult to conceive. So if you’re a beautiful young woman concerned about birth control and unwanted pregnancy, my advice is to only have sex with dirty old men.

California Teacher Accused of Having Sex With Student: A 32-year-old woman who is being described as an "exemplary teacher" has pleaded not guilty to charges that she had a sexual relationship with a male student at the school where she was teaching. Hell, the situation is becoming so prevalent that young guys are thinking why bother paying for a hooker, just sign-up for a class.

Anthony Weiner and Wife Separate After Latest Sexting Scandal: Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin announced she is separating from husband and former Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner, after a new report surfaced that Weiner is involved in yet another sexting scandal. Can’t say I’m really surprised, a politician with a name like Weiner sounds like a sex scandal just waiting to happen. His kid was even allegedly in one of the pics, guess he wanted to show off his little Weiner too. Anyway, if there’s anything that’s really obvious, its Weiner was looking for more than just a Huma in a relationship.

MRI Scans Show Dogs Likely Understand Our Words: According to researchers, new findings using MRI scans indicate that dogs are more like humans than was previously known, in that they understand our words and process language using the same regions of the brain as people. Guess they had no choice by to use an MRI - what self-respecting dog is gonna submit to a CAT scan?

Insurance Won’t Cover Flood Damage to PA Church: In what can only be described as a serious bit of irony, an insurance company says they won’t cover the flood damage done to a Pennsylvania church because it was caused by an “Act of God.” All I can say is its a good thing this “Act of God” was a flood and not a fire. It would be a damn shame to see God brought up on arson charges.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Man Shoots Self Instead of Raccoon After Sneezing and Falling Off Chair: A 81-year-old man has been hospitalized after accidentally sneezing, falling off his chair and shooting himself while attempting to kill a large raccoon that had broken into his home. Police say they were unable to identify the raccoon intruder because it was wearing a mask.

Doctors Say Disease Lurks in Wind Instruments: The LA Times reports that doctors are cautioning musicians to be sure to frequently clean their wind instruments in order to prevent the growth of a dangerous fungi which is responsible for a possibly fatal illness known as “bagpipe lung.” Those familiar with the dreaded “bagpipe lung” say they’re not quite sure why, but for some reason, the disease also appears to make men want to dress themselves up in the silliest, little plaid skirts.