Arts & Entertainment
New Evidence Suggests D.B. Cooper May Have Worked for Boeing
A satirical look at current events!
New Evidence Suggests D.B. Cooper May Have Worked for Boeing: A team of scientists selected by federal officials in Seattle have come across new evidence in the mystery of D.B. Cooper, saying particles found on a JCPenny clip-on tie indicates he may have been a Boeing manager. Good grief, while I don’t condone anyone committing criminal acts, my feeling is that if someone’s become so destitute that they find themselves wearing JCPenny clip-on ties, can we really blame them for falling into a life of crime?
Bill Gates’ Net Worth Set at $90 Billion: A new report lists Microsoft founder Bill Gates’ net worth at $90 billion. I think its insane someone can make all that money just for doing Windows. Hell, I did all my windows the other day and I still don’t have a penny to my name. Wonder if I should switch to Windex?
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Eating Hot Peppers Linked with Longer Life: A new study found that eating hot peppers is associated with a longer lifespan and warding off death. Yea, you’ll just wish you were dead.
White Nationalist Leader’s Wife Exposed as Jewish: A prominent sector of the white nationalist movement is in chaos after learning that one of their most anti-semitic leaders and creator of their popular website “The Right Stuff” is actually married to a Jewish woman. Gee, I hate to sound critical, but how big of a loser do you have to be when you can't even get being a Nazi right? Damn you ancestry.com!
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Los Angeles Diners Victims of Widespread Sushi Scam: DNA testing is showing that Los Angeles sushi diners are frequently paying for one type of fish, but actually receiving another of lesser quality. Stuff like this happens all the time folks! Hell, my cat ran tests on what was supposed to be his favorite Fancy Feast dinner and discovered he was actually eating the disgusting Hill’s Science Diet - Hairball Formula. He made me throw out the whole Kit & Kaboodle.
Connecticut Republican Arrested for Grabbing Woman’s Genitals: A Republican Connecticut town council member has been arrested for grabbing woman’s genitals, but his lawyer is claiming that the groping was simply “a playful gesture.” Good grief, doesn’t this moron realize you have to be a “star” before they don’t say anything? I suggest the defense call in Donald Trump as a “groping expert witness.”
Nicole Kidman Says Its Time Americans Support Donald Trump: Nicole Kidman caused some controversy this week when she said in an interview that Americans need to support Donald Trump now that he’s been elected President. Good grief, you could make the same argument about diabetes or heart disease. Now that you’ve got it, you should do every thing you can to support it.
Earliest Human Species Possibly Found in Ethiopia: Researchers say an ancient jawbone fragment found in Ethiopia is the oldest human fossil discovered yet, a bone potentially from a new species that reveals the human family may have arose a half million years earlier than previously thought. Anthropologists speculate the creature came from an environment so primitive and hostile, it could make places like Cleveland or Akron look like desirable areas to live.
Jessica Alba’s “Honest Company” Recalls Baby Powder: Jessica Alba’s The Honest Company has issued a voluntary recall for all bottles of its organic baby powder sold in the United States over concerns of eye and skin irritations. Baby powder recalled over eye irritations? Sounds like those babies are just a bunch of big babies.
The New American Marriage and Working: A new study found that the younger you are, the more likely you are to believe that both men and women in a marriage should work outside the home. This was found to be especially true when one or more of the spouses happens to be a hooker.
Fox News Pays to Make Bill O'Reilly Sexual Allegations Vanish: Its being reported that Fox News settled a sexual harassment complaint by a former employee in September against its biggest prime-time star, Bill O’Reilly, and the division’s co-president, Jack Abernethy. O’Really? Gee, if I didn’t know better, I’d say something’s been a-spin’n in that there “No Spin Zone.”
Naps Found to Sharpen the Mind and Help Preserve Memories: Researchers say that as we age, naps can be very effective to help us preserve memory, think clearly and make decisions. Yea, and besides that, its also a good way to catch up on some sleep.
Documents Show al Qaeda is Meticulous About Expenses: A report published by the Associated Press shows al Qaeda is quite meticulous about keeping track of their expenses after receipts found in a recent raid show detailed filings from jihadists which included salary spreadsheets, workshop schedules and letters from human resources. No kidding they’re meticulous about money! Hell, these documents show those al Qaeda guys have been making a killing.
Ringling Bros Circus to Close After 146 Years: The owner of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus told The Associated Press that after 146 years, the circus has decided to close forever in May. What do you expect? I mean, how’s a simple traveling circus supposed to compete with the incoming Trump Administration? Besides, apparently all the clowns were given cabinet positions anyway.
San Francisco Voted America's Snobbiest City: San Francisco has been voted America’s snobbiest city in a recent poll of Travel & Leisure readers. No kidding! Why they even have an area in the city where most of the snobs live - which I believe is called Snob Hill.
