Arts & Entertainment
Smashed Mastodon Bones Suggest Humans Arrived 100,000 Years Earlier
A satirical look at current events!
Smashed Mastodon Bones Suggest Humans Arrived 100,000 Years Earlier: Close inspection of 130,000-year-old broken mastodon femur bones found at a freeway excavation in California have led some researchers to the controversial conclusion that humans were responsible for killing the animal, which would mean humans arrived in North America over 100,000 years earlier than was previously thought.
Now I’m no paleontologist, but I can’t help but wonder if the mastodon’s bones may have actually been broken in a car crash? After all, California has LONG been known as a “car culture” and if some mastodon was involved in a collision with an automobile, then it seems pretty obvious humans were already here. But geez, 130,000 years ago? Do you have any idea how cheap property in California would have been back then? If that date is correct, and if these people were smart investors, they could have gotten in at the ground floor with their real estate portfolios.
Anyway, if I were in charge of this archeological site, the first thing I would do is search the area to see if any of these people happened to have left a diary behind? That would quickly clear up any questions regarding the time frame - that is, assuming the entries in the diary were dated properly - you know - like “Monday, June 9th, 128,000 BC.” Of course its always important to point out that before anyone takes an article like this at face value, its always a good idea to first check with a reputable scientific journal like Breitbart, just to make certain the story is credible.
