The World Cup: "Much Ado about Nothing"?

I was in the market this morning when someone asked me if I was going to watch the World Cup Final today.  I thought, wasn't that over with a few weeks ago?  I thought it ended when all those Brazilians were crying in the streets.  You mean there is still more going on?  More penalty kicks to be made?

Sarcasm Warning: 

I have been wondering why I have been tired lately.....I have World Cup fatigue. ...I hear it is treatable.  This rodeo should have been over a month ago. ..
I agree. .. Its much more about nationalism than it is about the sport.  I'd rather watch the parking lot clear out at Paradise Cove after a summer Sunday.

This sport should be turned into an Opera...way too much melodrama...Warren
Buffet got rich buying "bactine" stock just before World Cups every 4 years.  I'd rather watch AYSO (6 and under) in the blazing hot Texas sun.  And, what is with all the mania when you score a goal?  Act like you've been there before, guys.  Does every goal celebration have to be like winning the lottery?  I'm surprised they don't bake a cake after every goal and huddle around so the goal scorer can blow out the candles (1).

I think William Shakespeare said it best when he wrote his famous play about soccer in 1598, "Much Ado about Nothing".


I really think we fought the Revolutionary War over soccer......people say it was about "taxation without representation" but I think the colonies got sick and tired of having to play soccer......thus, the famous quote from Patrick Henry, "give me Liberty (from Soccer), or give me death".  Actually, when they caught people playing soccer back in those days using their head they would incarcerate them and have an immediate witch trial on the grounds that only a witch would use their head to strike another object....I agree with Thomas Jefferson who said, "the only thing I strike with my (noggin) is a fully stuffed pillow".

I am willing to compromise here and allow a World Cup on the Haley's comet years...that is, every 78 years.....rain or shine.  Not every 4 years, guys, please......this sport causes dementia (witness public outbursts of prolonged crying) except in very small doses........

Sports that I will never "make fun of" again:

Nude Bowling
Geriatric Rodeo
Hot Dog Eating
MMF (Mixed Martial Farts)
Javelin Catch
Luge
Egg Toss
Dirty Diaper Toss
3 Legged Sack Races
Juggling Chainsaws
Braille Monopoly
Praying Mantis Fighting (like Cock Fighting except with Praying Mantis)
Liposuction
Korean War Re-enactment
Twister
Waterboarding
Grand Theft Auto

C'mon people...let's stick with sports that treat the skull for what it is ...a protective casing for the brain.  Use anything else you want.....the back of the knees, your armpits, your kidneys, even...just leave the skull to do the one thing it is good at, protecting the brain.  And how about sticking with sports that allow you to use the part of the body that you peel a banana with?  As it stands now, only monkeys should play this sport.

If you want to be an American, like Jefferson, and Washington, and Lincoln and Bruce Jenner, then you can't be playing (or watching) soccer....not unless you are 7/8 and under.

In honor of the World Cups last day of 2014 I am typing this blog with my feet...with the occasional key being struck by my head....

You can't say that I am not trying....

Let's just hope the match between Antarctica and Germany goes quickly, and safely...I hate to see all these gallant men scraping their knees on the grass.