The Secret to Potty Training

Yes, it is time. Maybe you are looking forward to this, maybe not. Either way at some point it is a task all parents face.

For some it’s a breeze. They sail through without much fuss. Forothers it can be daunting. What’s the difference? Why do some families have little trouble transitioning from diapers to bathroom use and others have huge power struggles and drama?

Before we get to the “secret,”let’s look at three common reasons why you could be having struggles with pottytraining:

1. It is a stressful time for the family.

Are you going through some changes as a family? Have you moved? Is there a new baby? Have you justtransitioned from crib to “big boy/girl bed? Has your child started daycare? Most children find transitions challenging. If there are some major changes in your family life, wait a bit until things calm down.

2. You react harshly to a mistake.

Accidents should be treated gently. Be “low key” when they happen. Focus on success.  Offer words of encouragement, “You are getting to be such a big boy/girl. Good job!” are much more effective than negative comments. When you say things like, “I just changed you.”  “Why can’t you make it to the potty in time?”“Not again!”you discourage your child’s efforts. 

3. It could be your child is not ready.

Although pediatricians agree most children could start the process between 18 months to three years of age, the range of “being ready” varies more than you might think. Experts report that almost 25% of kids aren’t ready to be potty trained until they are 3 1/2 or 4 years old. So relax. Maybe you need to wait a while.

How do you know if your child IS ready?

Look for these signs. When you begin to see a number of these situations, this could indicate it’s time to start. Does your child…?

• Stay dry for at least 2 hours at a time
• Have regular bowel movements
• Follow simple instruction
• Feel uncomfortable with dirty diapers and wants them  changed
• Ask if they can use the potty chair
• Want to wear big boy/girl underwear

If most of these behaviors happen regularly, then the message is, “I’m READY!”

A “secret” tip to make potty training go a bit easier is a technique called “Joyful Modeling.”

Joyful modeling means that anything you want your child to do, you model joyfully!

Want your child to eat vegetables? Gobble yours up with over-the-top enthusiasm
saying, “Wow, this is so yummy. I’m glad I’m eating mine so I won’t be hungry later.”

Want your child to put away their toys? Exaggerate straightening up your desk or
kitchen counter. “Gee, I am so happy to make things neat. Now I can find my stuff right away.”

Want your child to brush their teeth? Brush your teeth with them and make a big deal of it. “No cavities for me. I have clean teeth and no stinky breath!”

Want your child to begin dressing independently? Be melodramatic about you dressing yourself, “Look at me. I can pull my shirt on all by myself.” Yippee!”

Want your child to use the toilet? Have them see you do it with great joy. Yes. Whoop it up. Have them follow you into the bathroom and watch. “Wow. Look at
that! I’m done.”

You may feel uncomfortable at first, because our culture says this is a private matter. You could even be confusing your child about using the toilet. Have you ever had them walk in on you while using the bathroom and react embarrassed? Ask them to leave? This could puzzle a child. They may think, “I know Mommy/Daddy wants me to use the potty, but when I come in and they are doing it, they get all upset.”

So what’s a parent to do?

Forgo modesty and set the example. 

Here’s a story from a parent who learned this technique in my parenting class.

We had been trying to potty train my 3 year old son. He'd been successful with peeing in the potty but just would not go pooh in the potty.  He would sit on the potty; we would read him stories but no action.  We had tried getting him to at least sit on the potty once a day for a few weeks with no success.  We started to offer him rewards-candy, toys, books if he pooped in the potty, but still nothing. I was getting frustrated as nothing seemed to be working.

Then I learned about the Joyful Modeling technique. I decided to give it a try.  Since I needed to go myself, I brought his potty seat into my bathroom with me so we could sit together.  He asked me to read him some books so we were going potty together and reading books together. 

Something clicked as we sat together and that day he actually pooped in the potty! We were so excited and flushed it away together.  And ever since, he's been pooping in the potty every day. We never really thought before about joyful modeling of using the potty, but maybe after he saw that everybody does it, it was ok for him to go too.

Joyful modeling is an effective parenting technique, not just for potty training, but for any behavior you’d like to encourage yourchild to do. With potty training, it may be a bit uncomfortable, but what haveyou got to lose? Try it and see what happens. It may be just the thing to get things “moving” in your home. Would enjoy hearing how it goes. Please let me know!

Thanks for reading,

Janada Clark MA Parent Educator

Janada Clark teaches Love and Logic at Stanford and public and private schools. Her parent education classes are a well-respected resource for parents. Class information is listed on her website www.janadaclark.com  For a free monthly parent newsletter with lots of parenting tips and ideas email her at clearpathcoaching@msn.com  or visit her Facebook community where parents
post success stories and questions at www.facebook.com/clearpatheducation