Sometimes the current heartache we're experiencing can feel more painful than previous experiences we've encountered. We may find ourselves asking, "Why do I feel so bad this time? Did I do something wrong - or is there something wrong with me? I should know better and be able to deal with this."
Your most recent heartache may be bringing up issues of unresolved heartache from past experiences - heartache piled on top of previous unresolved heartaches.
Look back at your life, at your very first experience of heartache. How did you learn to experience your feelings? Did your parents teach you the tools to deal with heartache or did you observe how they dealt with theirs and assumed their patterns? Are you still using the same old methods that didn't work for you in the past and wondering why they are not working for you today?
If we view ourselves as students in the school of life, we are constantly faced with opportunities to learn and grow. You may not be able to control outer circumstances, but you always have a choice on how you respond to them. Using outdated tools, or not having the appropriate tool only makes the journey more difficult. Upgrades for your toolbox are available from many sources when we take personal responsibility.
I know people who never ask for help - perhaps they see asking for help as a sign of weakness. They've done things a certain way most of their life and they're going to continue doing things that way until they die. Is this pride, stubbornness, ego or fear? What if NOT asking for help is really a sign of weakness?
Many years ago, I was faced with the most devastating heartache in my life - the loss of my daughter. I thought I was handling it well. In public I put a smile on my face and in the privacy of my home I cried. This was how I continued on my journey through life, one foot in front of the other. It took 7 years before I hit rock bottom, before I was able to get out of my own way and ask for help. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't deal with it on my own. I believed I was demonstrating that I was weak. My image of perfection was shattered.
Today I see that event as a blessing in my life. I realized that perfection is only an illusion and not asking for help was much easier than asking for help. Not asking was my default program. I upgraded my tool box, realizing that the Universe is not against me but is actually here to support me. When I assumed personal responsibility and took action for myself, my life changed. And I went from heartache to happiness.
Irene Stafford
Transformational Life Coach
www.staffordlifecoaching.com
www.fromheartachetohappiness.com