Alphabet Soup

I received a piece of mail from my stockbroker recently. It was just one page, two sides. I can’t tell you what it said because I have no idea what they were talking about and it could possibly be very important.

If it is, then shame on Morgan Stanley Smith Barney because there is no way even an overeducated person like myself can decipher what even one sentence actually means. Heck, my very experienced and talented CPA (certified public accountant) can’t read my monthly statements because he admitted that he has no idea what they are trying to say.  I just try to figure out if I am supposed to do something like sign and return, return without signing, or pitch it in the trash. More later.

Most parents know that their English-speaking children have created their own alphabet soup when texting (txtng). They all know exactly what each little non-word means and I would guess they think they invented alphabet-speak. No way. Certain professions have been perfecting the nonsense for decades.

For example, I started thinking back to when my darling daughter was making her way through the schools at MUSD (Moorpark Unified School District) and how I struggled mightily with the education alphabet soup before throwing in the towel. I just let things be until even I could figure out that parental intervention was required (lol).

So I pulled up a Parent Handbook from a few years ago in the first several pages found more acronyms than I could shake a stick at. Here is a recap of my adventures through the MUSD looking glass.

If your child is still a wee-un, you should know about ECC (Early Childhood Center). If the child doesn’t speak English very well, you will need to know about ESL (English as a Second Language). Then they explain the SARC (School Accountability Report Card ) and CSIS (California School Information Service) which can be determined through SOLVE IT (huh?).

There was an entire section devoted to CHDP (Child Health and Disability Prevention Program Report of Health Examination for School Entry—seriously). Vaccinations for many childhood diseases are required before your child can set foot in the door. They include TOPV (polio), DPT/DP (diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus and who the heck knows the rest), MMR (measles, mumps, rubella), and HepB (hepatitis B). Older children will need the Tdap (booster for DPT), which is not to be confused with the Dtap (what?).

FYI, I finally can understand the urge for home schooling (OMG!).

Back to my VIP (very important papers) from MSSB (Morgan Stanley Smith Barney). The first sentence discusses CG IAR (Consulting Group Investor Advisor Research), which is stopping coverage of RPFRX (Davis Advisers Real Estate Fund). They now recommend that it be replaced by DWS RREEF which is Real Estate Securities Fund called RRRAX. Still with me?

Too bad if you are because this next bunch had no explanations. I am supposed to know and understand what they mean by REITs, REOCs, non-REITs, FTSE NAREIT, IRA and ERISA.

I am also supposed to know whether my broker is a Financial Advisor or a Private Wealth Advisor. I guess if you have to ask, then you obviously are a client of the former.

Dear readers, please let me know if anyone out there who does not work in these professions has any idea of what these things mean. To me, it looks like a chimpanzee transcribed the handbook and the letter. I figure I can live my life without understanding everything I am supposed to understand. I just hope none of it is very important.