Another Great Start of the School Year?

By de anne

I worried all summer what this day would bring.

A new school with new people! Oh my!

Finally, the first day of school was upon us. It took much persuading and bribing and downright pleading to get my child with special needs, out of bed and into the bathroom. All summer she was like a frat house member, up all night, sleeping all day. We are all night owls in this family and Layiah is no exception. So, it took a whole lot of prayer to get her back into the real world, where people actually rise before noon. And 6:30 am is way before noon.

She brushed teeth, washed and dressed, all partially awake, like a hung over party goer the day after New Year’s Eve! I got her out the front door, in the car and away we went. We got to the school and as she was exiting the car, I saw an expression of apprehension across her face. As we approached the before school classroom, that expression instantly turned to sheer terror!

“Home, go home!” were the words she screamed as her little face became more terrified by the minute.

I tried explaining that this was her new school where her friends were and all was going to be fine. All this terrified child cared about was going home, now! {please note: I wanted her to take a look at this new environment prior to the first day but was told by school officials it couldn’t be done. This would have lessened her terror by miles}

The teacher’s aide tried along with me to at least get her into the classroom, as she stood fast, digging her heels into the wet grass. I tried every trick I learned that works with apprehensive, terrified people refusing to submit to the will of another; they didn’t work today. Not one.

Time was quickly ticking by. I needed to leave as my first day of training for a new position was beginning this day. I was nervous and apprehensive myself and really didn’t need this added stress, but such is the life of a parent with a child who has a developmental delay topped with autistic behaviors. I was blessed to not still be trying to get her out of bed! One must count their blessings.I finally got her into the class where the door was shut as her screams of” Home momma, home now”, could be heard in Oregon, I was sure! Since I had encountered these behaviors before with my child, I was sure she’d settle down and all would be well with the world! I kissed her and slipped out of the door hurrying to a new destination myself, unsure and apprehensive as my child. “Home, home now” was what I heard myself yelling loudly in my head, but of course I bravely trudged forward and onward to my first day of training.

I wasn’t too attentive in class as I worried how my poor baby girl was in her new and strange surroundings. It wasn’t long before I had a text and a voicemail, stating to call her school and my cousin immediately.{ my cousin was my back up just in case!} I was more than concerned, because I was sure she would have acclimated by this time. After calling with great ideas that usually work with my child I was soon called again, this time informed, that the school psychologist, school counselor, her new teacher and the office lady, were all involved actively, in the process of getting my child transported down the corridor to her actual class. It wasn’t happening.

After what seemed like forever,I managed to get through my first day of training and arrived at my child’s school. I was greeted with a calm, smiling child and an equally calm smiling staff. All was calm on the waterfront, I was told. After lunch, my child’s entire class went to her in the afterschool/before school classroom that she refused to leave. She ate lunch, played with some classmates she knew and all the terrors of the morning were magical over and done with. Wow! If only we, the parents and the adults, could be as resilient in life!

When we got home, I was quite exhausted from my training all day and my worrying all day. I sat with my little angel, allowing her to rock back and forth, which was a soothing tactic for both of us. We looked at her teen magazines, ate hummus and naan bread and listened to some light jazz as the sounds soothed and relaxed both mother and child perfectly.

I went to bed that night extremely apprehensive about what the morning would entail. Before long our 6:30 am alarm woke me to my feet. Layiah was quick to rise, dress and get ready for her day. We arrived at the school and I took a deep breath, anticipating Day 2 of another display of terror. Nothing happened! Nothing, except my child smiling, as she calmly walked into her before school classroom and I kissed her sweet head goodbye. I drove to my class in complete shock that 24hrs before, the scene was a true 180 degree turn. For this, I was grateful, amazed and finally confident in her new school with her new teachers and her new friends.

It never ceases to amaze me how truly, magnificently, and courageously, children with special needs can cope, endure and overcome. Any child new to their surroundings can be fearful, but a child like mine, has limited understanding and coping skills to even understand what was actually going on. My child was facing abandonment, being left by mom in a place she’d never seen with people she never saw before. She didn’t grasp the idea that this was school and mom would be back for her, and this was a safe place and everything would be fine. A good analogy would be, if I took you to a strange building with new people and said goodbye and left. The difference is, the limited understanding and the constant fear of the unknown that my child deals with every day of her life. Children with intellectual challenges can only deal with so much at a time. Children with autism or autistic behaviors, fear much more in much more severe ways. The mere fact, my child was brave enough to accept and trust at all that first day should be amazing enough! The fact that she returned on Day 2 and handled everything calmly and appropriately makes me wonder, why can’t we all be like her?

Where is OUR bravery when we face new jobs, new situations, new challenges? Do we use drugs, alcohol and other destructive behaviors to cope? Where is OUR bravery when we are faced with extremely frightening behavior like the loss of our home, job or spouse? Do we walk calmly through the metaphoric door of life, with our fears behind us and our trust and belief in others and ourselves right smack in front? Or do we simply fall apart as my child did Day 1,{ but only half of the day}? Where is our courage that this little girl with Down Syndrome and Autistic behaviors displayed so blatantly?

I guess you would need to search deep within to think about that. The next time you are faced with a frightening situation, think like a child with special needs and maybe you, too, can be that courageous.

Maybe?! Namaste!