Taming the Terrible Threes

Just when I'd survived the so-called terrible twos, my 3-year-old daughter has entered a new challenging phase. Temper tantrums are rampant, and it seems as if her new favorite phrase is an emphatic "no!"

She's growing bigger and stronger, so it's more difficult to pick her up and control her while she's kicking and screaming in defiance.

I've come to realize that this new attitude stems from her burgeoning identity. She's learning how to control her emotions, which can be frustrating because she does not have the necessary tools to adequately communicate her feelings yet.

I am still learning how to create tactics in order to tame her outbursts and not allow myself to lose patience. Sometimes she can feel my frustration, and this exasperates the tantrum. Yelling and becoming angry makes the situation worse.

When she was younger, I would sometimes ignore the small tantrums. If she started crying over not getting her way, I would try not to take it too seriously. She would realize that she was not going to get her way, and this would calm her down.

Distraction is a valuable tactic we mothers have at our disposal. I can distract her by offering to read her a book, play a game or toy with her or strike up a conversation about something totally different. I find that, as she gets older, this still works most of the time. 

If we are out in public somewhere and a meltdown ensues, I simply remove her from the situation. My husband and I have carried her kicking and crying to the car multiple times. She has come to learn that this behavior is unacceptable in public and her tantrums have occurred less frequently outside the house.

Timeout is the new stratagem that I have been implementing since she has become more aware of discipline and why she receives punishment. When her tantrum is really out of control, and the previous tactics have not worked to calm her down, I instruct her to sit on her time-out pillow (a pink bean bag type chair) for three minutes until she calms down. While she sits on the designated pillow, I discuss her actions with her. If she continues the tantrum, I tell her to return to timeout.

Overtiredness and over stimulation is a tantrum trigger. Fortunately, she still takes naps in the afternoons, but watching for the telltale signs of tantrum precursors can help to diffuse the meltdown before it happens.

The good news is the majority of parents with 3-year olds are dealing with tantrums. We are not alone. Learning to remain calm while teaching your child how to express his or her anger and frustration with language rather than outbursts is our job as parents. One day when I have a teenager to parent, I will be thinking back to how easy it was dealing with these daily battles with my 3-year old.