Picking up the pieces... 22

I'm glad to see Kessa's becoming braver, and more open in this New Life.  She's come to understand the 'importance' of putting herself out there – it’s for others like herself!  At first it made her feel weird that she was being talked about where 'anyone' could read it.  But now she knows these people who DO read it, and she's come to care about them.  So now, it's kind of like sharing our stuff on facebook for her - except our 'status' is a blog.  And these friends, are Victim’s of Murder everywhere Murder occurs…

These are very important steps for Kessa TO BE TAKING, because she has so far to go in this New Life…  If she is ever to REALLY SEE GARY EXECUTED, Kes will be fighting so many battles in this issue of the Death Penalty for many more years to come…  So, she has no choice in the matter really, to get what she needs in this New Life.  For only Kes knows just how much she needs to see Gary die…

As Kessa entered her first year of High School this year, she was seeking anonymity.  No more falsely pretended friendships towards her, so others could get into Kessa’s rather dramatic life.  No more stares to say she is a freak, because she’s the sister of the MURDERED GIRL.  No more ‘kid glove’ treatment from her teachers, because they “know”…   She yearns to be just a regular girl.   She just doesn’t have a “regular life”, and in this, it would be nice for people to “understand”.

Now that we have finally gotten the Police to cease and desist their attacks upon us in June 2012, Kes is once again trying to gain the ground she lost because of all that.  She’s trying to build up the nerve, to return to sleeping alone in her bedroom again.  It took her almost a year to get to that place, when she only had Gary to worry about, trying to kill her family.  But after what the Police did to me on December 11th last year, it traumatized Kes so badly she was right back to sleeping with me again.  Because after that, she had to worry that the Police might kill her mommy too…  And, with the help of the pharmacist now at CVS, we have a cocktail of pills that ‘help’ her to get to sleep, with out leaving her groggy in the morning, instead of those sleeping pills the doctors wanted to give her.  Some small steps of improvement.

Kes still has so many other traumas to deal with in her life.  Going to court, and seeing the MURDERER.  This leaves her in a sleepless, anxiety filled tailspin for days surrounding each one of these ‘events’.  The holidays, that everyone else is celebrating, but to Kes - touching those pieces of life...  Touching happiness and joy for a moment cause such physical pain.  It's like Kes said the other day, Gary turned all of her most favorite memories of Saskia, into things that hurt so bad, and it's hard to think of them, because THEN she remembers Saskia screaming and knows it was her pain in being killed...  And THEN Kes feels terrified of dying too, for how it makes her feel.  Just thinking of Saskia is a 'trigger' to the horror, you see.

Our Celebrations this year consisted of a long awaited execution for our friend - who’s parents were Murdered, and celebrating our Saskia in the All Soul’s Procession.  And, we look forward to celebrating our Murderer’s Death Penalty Sentence next year!  Not a “regular” celebration in the lot, but they are ours…

And, as everything IS these days for Kessa in her “New Life, After Murder” – even getting a boyfriend comes with a most “irregular” story…

There was a new girl, who started at Kessa’s school this year.  She claimed to be psychic – and said she was being visited by Saskia’s ghost, and had messages for us from Saskia.  This girl shared this information with someone, who then gave it to us.  And eventually, we all met.

This new girl, had a boyfriend for a short while.  And recently, she moved away.  But not before she introduced the boyfriend to Kessa.  This introduction led them to become friends, and now they are together as boyfriend and girlfriend.  Sort of a psychic intervention by Saskia, so these two could meet through this psychic girl who came and went…

And this boy, comes into Kessa’s life with his eyes open to what’s happened.  Maybe knowing more, because of what that psychic girl shared with him, from Saskia.  And this is a great thing for Kessa!  Someone who accepts her and us, as we are.  Understanding our difficulties and limitations, and being supportive of them.  He’s even extended himself to come over on the 20th, and just ‘be with Kes’ on our WORST DAY.

Not a very “regular” thing.  But then, nothing “regular” HAS happened so far in this New Life…  And we have no “regular” expectations it ever will.