Every Step We Take

O that God of ours…has He got a sense of humor or what?  Just seems to put things…people…places…Bible verses…right in front of us in the exact moment we need them time and again.  Today, yet again, it was a verse. 

“But now this is what the Lord says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel;  “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.”  Isaiah 43: 1-3. 

I talked to my momma this morning on the phone, and I could tell she was upset still.  It’s funny how your relationship with parents evolve as we grow into adulthood, isn’t it?  Maybe not every parent-child relationship, but I think a lot of people can identify.  I mean, my mom and I really weren’t very close growing up (not for lack of trying on my mother’s part), but I was a teenage girl i.e. sometimes a little butt hole.  But then again, Mom was no picnic all the time either…But the difference between then and now?  It’s ok that my mom has flaws…and she shares that with me.  She’s my friend now.  Now, all you moms out there don’t start hollerin’ at me about how we are ALWAYS your baby…I know, I know…my mom tells me all the time.  BUT…we ARE friends too.  I like it.

 Just like this morning, it wasn’t a conversation all about me and how I’m doing (although, embarrassingly enough, this happens a lot too because if you can’t call and complain/brag/cry about life to your momma?  Well…then who CAN you call?).  She called because SHE needed comfort…she needed her friend. 

“I’m just scared, I guess,” Mom said to me as I stood in the cold of the dog park this morning.  “I’m sorry, Mom,” I replied back, not really knowing how to respond and feeling pathetically helpless with her situation. 

Now my mom?  She’s been through a lot, and over the years, her perspective with handling things has thoroughly changed.  She’s always been a strong Christian, but after her divorce and remarrying my stepdad, she really had a true change of heart about what kind of Christian she was.  Now, believe me, I feel everyone is different and has different ways of being a “good” Christian (and I’m only using that term for lack of a better description), but I am simply saying I have respect for my mom and her practices.  She regularly attends church, is VERY involved, Bible study with her women’s group weekly, daily devotionals, and simply always working to be a better person.  And that includes practicing what she preaches about believing and having blind faith to our Good Lord.  This is a woman who has had a lifelong battle with allergies/asthma, so severe I learned to use an Epi-Pen at the age of 4.  In 2006 she was diagnosed with skin lupus, so now she can never be in sunlight unless fully covered, causing her to always wear long sleeves, pants, hats, and carry an umbrella.  But even that hasn’t stopped part of her body to turn completely white in places.  She was also diagnosed with osteoporosis a few years ago at a very young age, not even 56 yet.  Through all of these obstacles she has maintained an attitude of “Jesus will get me through this.”  Maybe not constantly, because I don’t think that’s even possible…but she has consistently stayed positive. 

Friday my mom called me in tears.  She had her yearly scan for the osteoporosis, and the prognosis was not good.  “It’s gotten worse,” she cried to me in frustration and fear.  “And my medications are all screwing things up for the other stuff…” she continued, “I just don’t know what to do.”  And for all you moms out there?  My heart goes out to you in this moment.  For all the helplessness…for all the desire to take this from my mother and put it on myself…for all of my heart to break for my mother?  I can not even BEGIN to IMAGINE how you must feel for your child when they are in pain/afraid/frustrated/etc.  I wanted to do all these things for my mom…but I could do nothing. 

“There’s just no resolution and it makes me so afraid!’  Mom said in frustration.  “There’s just nothing I can even do.”  I told my mother I would pray, because honestly?  In that moment?  That’s all I COULD do. 

So this morning, when she called again, I could hear in her voice that the fear was still there…but she was less shaky.  “I just feel bad that I’m not practicing what I preach about believing that God will get me through this,” Mom admitted, embarrassed for her feelings.  I didn’t really know what to say to her this morning, but then…but then…God stepped in.  As He always does.  I will now refer you to the lines from above: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”  The 3^rd verse of Isaiah 43.  Today, this is for my dear mom who has brought me through so much.  She has been that person that God placed in my life in THAT exact moment time and again.  So today…Mom…remember that God will get you through this too.  You will not go up in flames or drown in this.  He is with you every step.  And to quote the words of a writer before me to end and carry in your heart to pull out when life becomes too much: “The Lord replied, ’The times when you have seen only one set of footprints is when I carried you."