Go Back

Moving forward!  Making changes!  It’s a new year and a new you! 

With me cramming these phrases and ones similar to them down your throat lately, I came across something today that said, “Go back.”  Now, if your brow is furrowed and your little mouth scowled?  Just give me 2 seconds ‘cause as Ricky Ricardo said best, “[I] got some ‘splainin’ to do!” 

“I will give them hearts that will recognize me as the Lord.  They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me wholeheartedly.”  Jeremiah 24:7.  This was the premise of the devotional I read today telling me “Go back.”  But I don’t want to go back!  I’m moving forward!  Albeit itty bitty, miniscule, baby steps, and sometimes GINORMOUS, ELEPHANT steps back…but it’s progress in a forward direction all the same.  That’s what I have to keep telling myself at least, or I might just decide to lie down and take a nap instead from the exhaustion of the mental battle.

Go back…

Go back…to PEOPLE that love you.  For me?  There’s nothing more comforting than a nice conversation with my momma.  I know I got lucky with my mom because she’s loving, she builds me up, she supports me when I don’t deserve it, and above all…I KNOW…no matter who I become, what I do, or how much I hurt her…she will always love me.  My mom is my biggest cheerleader, so why not go back?  As much as it sometimes feels like we are alone (or we decide to make ourselves isolated to be that way…ringing bells for anyone???), we are meant to be together.  God formed us as He the vine and we the branches.  I ain’t never seen no healthy tree with just ONE branch…have YOU?  Didn’t think so.  Stop and think about your favorite fellow branches…and maybe go back and call a few.  Go out for dinner!  Catch up!  Feel the love!  And be sure you order salad so you can enjoy some leaves (couldn’t resist, heehee). 

Go back…WHERE it feels RIGHT.  And you know what I mean when I say RIGHT.  RIGHT means comfort…a safe haven…peace.  My husband and I lived in Japan when we first married and a couple weeks after I had moved over he told me to get in our mini-van ****Sidenote****Miley was the van’s name…short for Miley Cyrus.  He heard the song “The Climb,” and because Miley (the van) was so old, rundown, and barely running that every day was a….you guessed it…a “climb” for her with all the hills in Japan (yuk, yuk, yuk).  SOOOOO Paxton and NOT me!  She was named before I was even in the picture****Sidenote End****.  I asked him where we were going and he said, “I want to show you where I used to live.  It’s really beautiful.”  He lived in a building with about 6 or 7 stories high, balconies on all of them.  He used to show me the sunsets over Skype before we were married while I was still stateside in Texas because the moment you stepped out onto the balcony?  You are greeted by the ocean just below.  It was breathtaking over Skype…and I couldn’t wait for it in person.  The sun was approaching its’ setting time so it was ideal.  We parked Miley, hopped out, and went to go sit on the concrete wall that separated the ocean from land.  It was gorgeous.  Romantic.  Relaxing…all rolled into one.  The sun had been down about 15 minutes, us sitting and listening to the waves, only the occasional word passing between us.  At this point?  I was ready to jet.  Waves are only so relaxing for me…then I start envisioning sharks…eels…JELLYFISH (sorry, childhood trauma…another time…another story.  BLAH!).  But Paxton?  The ocean is his refuge…the waves his harmonious song.  My husband never really struggles with the whole “chill” factor thing.  We seriously couldn’t have a more ying and yang thing with our “chill” temperatures.  And for those of you that don’t know me?  Let’s just say I have the chill factor of a 5 year-old that has been given a soda, cake, and a new puppy within 1 minute of each other, and is an attention whore to boot.  You get the picture.  BUT….back to the calm.  Being in or near water and ocean creates a calmness in him that even he can’t explain.  My calm?  I, ever so thankful to my Mimi and Papa for allowing it, was able to get married at my calm.  My grandparents are farmers, I’ve mentioned before, so they obviously have a lot of land.  Well, there is a portion of this land our family used for family weenie roasts…the graduating family senior hayride and party…it’s where I went when my parent’s divorce my senior year of high school became too much and needed to feel safe…loved…and near God.  Isn’t it funny how both mine and my husband’s refuge is nature?  I can remember parking Michael, my old white Taurus (why the obsession with naming cars in our family…jeezus we’re weird) in the clearing of the land.  I would roll my windows down…put the seat back...slow, sad country music playing…and cry.  Pray.  Talk to God.  Feel the weight be lifted.  Go back to that place today.  Close your eyes.  And feel the arms of God envelope you in a calming hug. 

Go back…to the BIBLE VERSES that brought you where you are today.  As Christians, we all have “those” verses that bring a peace…a happy memory…calm.  Or maybe they are the verses that brought you to Christ in the beginning.  Or brought you out of a tough place.  They are a big part of the reason you believe.  I still read from my Bible I received when I began “big girl” Sunday School lessons at 9-years-old.  AND I STILL have my WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) Bible cover.  Dork?  Abso-freakin-loutely!  Memories and a map of my life for the past 20-something years?  Welp…I got that too!  This Bible alone has allowed me the ability to GO BACK and look at some of the places I have been over the years, and really…most of my life.  More often than not, I SHOULD go back and be more like I was as a high schooler when I read my Bible more.  I see the markings of my pen…my prayers written in the margins and the front of the Bible.  But now…so many years later…”I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord (this is circled), the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2.  Beside this verse I have written 7-19-06 “My help comes from God, not (ex-boyfriend during college) or anybody else.  OBVIOUSLY going through some dramatic breakup, but hey?  I was AT LEAST lookin’ to God!  Coulda’ been a LOT worse.  Just sayin’…  “They reeled and staggered like drunken men; they were at their wits’ end (this circled).  Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.”  Psalm 107:27-28.  In the margins: “I am to my wits’ end…why can’t I sacrifice it ALL?” 3-5-08.  One that I read, gosh…almost DAILY in high school because I was SUCH a pusher…”Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.”  James 1:4.  This list of verses that formed me could go on for days.  Thankfully, I was brought up in the church and surrounded by the Bible so its’ words are a part of my soul.  However, I’m finding I need to go back to it a little more lately.

Go back…

You may find that, by going back today, you might find what you need from your past experiences exactly what you need…to go forward.