Happy Spouse = Happy House

When I was a Private stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas, my Platoon Sergeant invited me, Kevin and my other friend Mike to his house for Thanksgiving dinner.  We were all single soldiers, all far from home, and most importantly had nowhere else to go. Our Platoon Sergeant lived on post and his house was about ½ mile from the barracks. He gave us directions and told us be there around 3pm.  

On Thanksgiving Day, all three of us walked over to our Platoon Sergeant’s house.  We didn’t know what to expect so once we got there, we picked Kevin to ring the doorbell. We all heard a woman scream out at the top of her lungs “Henry, why don’t you peal yourself from the recliner and answer the door.”  We were all shocked because we couldn’t believe that someone would be screaming at our Platoon Sergeant like that.  The funny thing is it didn’t stop there...  From the second we arrived until we left, our Platoon Sergeant and his wife bickered back and forth and seemed to be total opposites.  But even with their bickering we could all tell that they loved each other dearly. After we had our turkey and dressing we watched the Cowboys on television and once the football game was over we all thanked our host, excused ourselves and walked back to the barracks. I recall on the way back telling Mike “when they say that opposites attract, they weren’t kidding.” 

The story reminded me of two wealth builders named Jim and Sue. They are total opposites and had no problem arguing and making mean faces at each other in front of me. The first few times we met, I felt a little uncomfortable with their shenanigans, but as time went on, I got used to it. Both of them work very hard and made good money, but this is how they differ.  Jim loves spending money, and Sue loves saving money. When they would go over their monthly spending plan by themselves, they would always end up in a big fight about his spending, so they made time to come see me for help.

When they came in I let them know that I wanted to talk with each of them by themselves first, and then I would talk with them together.  I met with Sue first.  This was my “UNcommon Sense” advice.  I told Sue to give Jim an allowance. She looked at me as if I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead. So I asked her if there was ever a time when she was a teenager that her parents forbade her from going out with a boy. She said yes. I asked her, “How did that make you feel?” She said that it made her want to go out with that boy even more. I went on to explain, “If you tell Jim not to spend any money, it will only make him want to spend more. Let him spend three percent of what you both make on anything he wants, and do not question him. I bet things will go smoother.” I asked her to step out and let me speak with Jim.

When Jim sat down I could tell he was already feeling defensive because the way he was sitting with his arms crossed.  I knew Jim wanted to justify his spending to me but before he had a chance to say anything, I asked him whether he would be happy if he could spend $125 a month on anything he wanted and Sue wouldn’t say anything. Jim just looked at me like I was crazy. I asked him again, “Would you be happy?” Jim nodded his head yes.

I then had them both come in together to go over the plan. As they did their spending plan each month, Jim and Sue would allocate three percent of what they made to a special account. I told Jim that he could spend whatever was in the account but couldn’t spend any more. About three months later, Sue called me up to thank me and say they were no longer fighting over money.

If your spouse is a spender and you are a saver, I recommend that you do the
same.  Allocate some money into a special account that the spender can spend on whatever they want. Save, save, save can lead to resentment just as spend, spend, spend can lead to the poor house.  When all else fails, always remember, “Happy Spouse = Happy House”!

Steve Repak, CPR®  Author of Dollars & Uncommon Sense: Basic Training For Your Money