Hide-And-Seek

I think it’s safe to say Philippians is one of my top favorite books in the Bible.  As my devotional lead me there today I was overwhelmed with all the underlining, highlighting, and words in the margins I have written over the years of my life.  As I read the verses…I remembered why.  And then I had another thought…if I know, every time I read these wonderful words it uplifts me…why, then, did I choose to hide from it for so long?  Another safe thing to say is…I seem to hide a lot more than I thought.  And not just from other people…I’ve hidden from even myself. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers [and sisters, just keepin’ it PC], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me-put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.”  Philippians 4: 4-9. 

Something I’ve noticed about myself over the years as I slid further away from Christ, is the way my thought process often went somewhere negative as opposed to the girl I faintly remember.  THAT girl immersed herself in His word (remember those ol’ underlines I mentioned?), and THIS girl’s thoughts were positive…focused on “true, noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy” things.  And beyond that…I thought positively about myself.  Today?  Not so much on the positive when it comes to a lot of things, but particularly me and my own abilities.  Do you ever feel that way?  How it’s so much easier to think, “I’m so stupid” or “If only I had bigger boobs/smaller butt/prettier eyes/etc., etc …and then your mind goes down the ever spiraling, out-of-control thought process of negativity until you find yourself in a puddle of self-misery, doubt, and as Paxton and I like to say “sad sackness.”

Now forgive me for beginning sounding like such a negative nancy today, but reading this verse made me realize how little I focus on positive…how little I actually rely upon God to take me out of my anxiety, sadness, and inability to like myself.  Instead?  I choose to hide in myself.  Hide from my friends.  Hide the feelings I really feel instead of praying to God for His peace to come over me and take away the just, flat out BADNESS I feel sometimes.  Now please don’t think I stay in “sad sackness” mode all the time or anything, I’m just trying to make a point of how much easier it is to pick the “hide” mode that only leads to focusing on all that is damaging to your heart and mind. 

This morning, even before I read these verses, I had a small victory in the hide-and-seek game I’ve been playing.  I actually reached out for help to my husband, which, I know sounds silly, but then again…maybe not.  Stop and think.  How often do we hide our struggles, fears, terrible thoughts from those that we love the most and are closest to us?  Maybe I’m the only one…but I somehow doubt that.  I reached out for help.  And it turned out VERY positive.  Which made me happy.  And now I’m reading this. 

So my point is this:  If only for today, focus on the positive as best you can…reach out for help out of the darkness if you are in it…reach into the darkness to someone you love struggling with negativity…And maybe?  Stop playing hide-and-seek with yourself and instead seek help…and hide nothing.