Leaping off the Cliff...

I suppose in my mind everyone would think like I do about some things, and today is one of those instances:  a fear of failure.  Whatever you as an individual define fear as is entirely singular to the individual.  I also feel we do certain actions, have thoughts, and in my case...keep it secret, to protect our own vulnerability.  So, I'm closing my eyes...holding my breathe...and leaping-no THROWING-myself over the cliff that is my fear:  I'm going to tell you and either kitty cat style, land on my feet, or some other four letter "F" word (I'll let you decide) but one of which could fail.  Epic fail.   

Closing...
       Holding...
             Throwing...


I'm starting my first novel! 


CRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!      It's out there now!  So, as I'm now being judged by the Court of Success, it must be done.  As I feel many have, do, and will continue to do-if you don't tell anyone then no one knows you're not fulfilling a dream or confronting a fear.  There's always that "when fill-in-the-blank happens" we will get married, I'll confront my boss about not having the job I was hired under those pretenses for, run that marathon, start exercising (again), have a baby, go to counseling and FINALLY confront my demons, etc., etc....

This list goes on and on (and yes, many are my own fears I am currently confronting, HAVE confronted and conquered (!!!), O...and those we won't discuss again today (push it away, push it away, push it away...). 

Writing a true novel is something I've discussed with close friends and some family for years but I always felt unready, unsure, and just too young.  I realize as I'm dealing with those certain demons, that the biggest problem I have is my own mind.  I constantly tell myself, "Beth Ann, no one cares what you write!  You'll fail!"  Ah, yes...indeed...I just might write a steaming pile of poo, but you know what?  I will have done something I want-and NEED-to do.

I talked to my best friend, Callie, last week.  Callie and I have known one another since we were high school freshman.  We went to the same college, Texas A&M, and were roommates part of college.  We've been best friends through my parents' divorce, both our grandmothers' deaths, a physically abusive relationship for me, and so many other things that only a best friend deserves the privilege to know.  Callie is my heart and I hers.  She is the sister God allowed me to choose.  Also, she annoyingly knows me better than anyone (even my husband in certain ways, right ladies?). 

So...that little fart called me out.