Surviving As a Single Parent: Better Not Bitter

It's been about a year and a half since my ex left on Christmas Day, 2009, but I'm not bitter-- just better! My kids are also adjusting to our new life incredibly well--they get that from me! So, while I'm riding the coaster of my life journey, I realize that some of you are just entering the limbo-land of the unknown as a single parent. It's normal to be afraid (or slightly terrified), but it will get better. Life is full of ups and downs-- or like riding a roller coaster. As a good friend once told me, "learn to ride the waves, and all will make sense sooner or later." Of course, he is a surfer-- easier said than done!

One of the first things you notice as a single parent, is the financial difficulties you endure once your significant other has left the building. He or she may have been deployed for an assignment, or just decided that life is "too short," and found a new and improved version of YOU to run off with. Either way, you are left with bills to pay, kids to take care of, and a void of loneliness to fill now that he or she is gone. Not only can you tackle this obstacle, but you can thrive with optimism and determination. Even Clark Kent has his Kryptonite, but when we recognize our weaknesses, we can work around it to become stronger than we could have imagined.

OK, so now you are on your own, and might have a few crying, hungry kids with dirty laundry to tend to.... that's okay! Here's what you do: call in back-up units. They can be your mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, confidant, even the friendly teller at the grocery store you attend. Tell people how you feel, what you are going through, and ask for help if you need it. [For me, that was the hardest part of being on my own as a parent. I can't do everything by myself, and it isn't a sign of weakness to admit it.] You are a strong person on your own, but you can always use the help of good Samaritans along the journey of life. No one will judge you for what you are going through, and if they do, then cut them loose-- immediately!

A pivotal moment (in the beginning) was when I chatted with a friendly lady working at a grocery store. I told her about how after 15 years of marriage, and three kids together, my "best friend" [now my ex] left me for a younger woman, and cut me off financially. She came over, gave me a hug, and said that she was also married for 15 years, had three kids, and her ex left for someone else. She then met a man who makes her breakfast in the morning, and worships her. They have been married for over 20 years! Her words replaced my feelings of self-doubt and guilt with optimism and joy.

For other moments when I need a quick mental recharge, I remember the words of my yoga instructor: "tell yourself that you can do all things!" The human mind is the most powerful tool, and is fueled by determination.

Life as a single parent can be the most thrilling, challenging and difficult ride you can take, but sometimes, you don't have a choice. When your only choice is that you "have to be strong," it makes being a hero quite an easy chore for single parents. So hold on, and try to ride the waves as they come. I've become quite a skilled surfer myself. Maybe some day, I can actually try it in the ocean.