The Kardashian Divorce: For Better or Worse

It makes me sad.  Genuinely. 

I was making dinner last night while my husband was in the living room, and he asked me, "Not surprised about your girl Kim, huh?"  Not having a clue what he was talking about I peeped my head around the corner and said, "Who?" 

"The girl with the booty...Kardashamum? I don't know.  She was married to that dude Kris Humphries?" 

"It's Kardashian, baby and yea.  They just had a big wedding and all my trash magazines are saying they are getting divorced, but that's just what they do when there is a new marriage, ya know." 

"Well, you might want to google it because she announced she's divorcing him."  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? 

So, all in a tizzy I run to my computer and type in "Kim Kardashian, divorce" as quickly as my little fingers can fly.  There is it.  In bold print.  Only 72 days of marriage and she's calling it quits.  I almost wanted to cry. 

Now, yes, I know you are all thinking why is this crazy blond woman idiotic enough to care about the 2nd marriage of Kim Kardashian...but I do.  Marriage matters, no matter whose it is. 

Marriage is hard.  Marriage is sometimes down right CRAPPY with a capitol "C."  But marriage is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  Marriage is knowing that I have a partner and an ally every day of my life, for the rest of my life.  Yes, I know some of you quote, unquote "realists" are shaking your head tsking me away going, "Nothing is a guarantee," and yet, yes, you are correct. 

However... I had the good sense to marry a man that is willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that we stay allies.  That's why I'm not ashamed to say we are doing marriage counseling.  Gasp!  But no!  She's on the road to divorce. 

Hardly. 

We do this to create better habits...get out of the bad ones we have made.  As I have mentioned in previous entries, I grew up in a less than normal family and am no stranger to counseling, but...as I have the feeling a lot of marriages are this way...my husband is a stranger.  Meaning, never been to counseling.  You see, he grew up in probably the most stable home in America, God bless my in-laws.  And this in no way means I don't love, value, and appreciate my parents and family.  Hell...I was, am, and always will have the best damn stories in town because of them!  My college roommate used to swear I made them up, but then...as I liked to reply, "This crap is so crazy...you can't make that s--- up."

I suppose the reason I am even writing about this is because the demise of another marriage hurts my heart.  It's another glaring example of the way we give up in America.  The times have changed, and I don't feel that is necessarily a positive thing.  I wrote of my Mimi and Papa who have been married for close to 70 years.  70 years!  That's more than double my life!  I have been married little over 2.  Mimi told me a story before I was married about the time she almost left Papa.  She had 3 little boys (this was before my uncle who was, shall we say, MORE than a surprise with a 25 year age gap between him and my oldest uncle), she was an exhausted, underappreciated farm wife receiving little to no help from her exhausted, overworked husband.  She'd had enough.  She fed them, cleaned the dishes, washed the little boys, put them to bed.  After her husband was asleep she went and got the packed suitcase she'd hidden in the laundry room.  She wrote a note, explaining (but really, she said, what's there to say when you do this?), got in her car, and began down the road. 

Now, here I am, a 25 year old woman, on the brink of getting married.  I had never heard this story.  This is coming from the woman whose example of marriage I had thought was the epitamy of perfection...but yet...they weren't.  She admitted it.  To me.  To herself.  You can't expect perfection...not even from grandparents you think had that perfect marriage.  She came back.  She actually didn't even make it down that dirt road that was less than a mile between their house and what became my family's home.  She realized her selfishness.  Her unreasonableness of the expectations she had set for herself...her husband...her marriage.  She told me to have expectations, but not of the perfect marriage.  Not of the perfect husband.  Not to be the perfect wife.  Expect failings...of yourself...of your husband.  You will fail one another, not intentionally, but because you are human.  Expect to want to get divorced.  Maybe not every day, but maybe so for a season.  Expect your marriage to have seasons.  Good and bad.  We both grew up on farms, and were still living on them then, and she said to think of your marriage like a farmer.  There will be times when it rains and all is good and fertile...but (we lived in Texas afterall) there will be times it doesn't rain for months, possibly longer than a year...and nothing grows.  It begins to die and wither...but rain will come again.  Have patience...for the rain and your marriage. 

There was a parody someone had written about how there were weather events that lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.  Sure, it was funny, but that too makes me sad.  My grandmother told me "Be patient."  I have seen them wait for an entire year, THIS year, for rain to come and it finally did!  Last weekend!  They had to nurture their crops, thankfully we have this now, but through artificial means via sprinklers.  However, there is something incredibly nourishing about true, honest to goodness, pure, real rain.  Just like...if you wait...you might have to offer up some "aritificial" love through some fake smiles, clenched teeth, hell...having sex when you're not in the mood...but it brings about REAL, honest to goodness, pure LOVE! 

We don't do it perfectly.  I don't expect my husband to be perfect.  We have already had to send an "I'm sorry" text this morning because we woke up grumpy, I was standing under the hot shower too long taking all the warmth, he was a toot, I got my feelings hurt.  Poo.  The day just started out as poo.  But then...a little time...a little patience.  I'm sorry.  Some of the sadest, sweetest words to exist. 

Kim, I wish for you humbleness.  Pride in marriage is the worst possible ingredient to mix in.  Say your sorry...or just forgive.  For better...for worse.  Those are the vows you took.  We all do when we get married.  We hope for the better...but I will take my husband on his worst day because at his worst...he still makes me a better person.