New Study Shows Swingers are More Likely to Stay Married

Swinging is not exactly mainstream, nor is it anything new. Multiple partner sex, polyamorous relationships and open marriages are almost as old as infidelity itself. The modern concept of swinging and open marriages could be traced back to the emergence of western civilization, such as 16th century Anabaptists sects practicing wife swapping, or practices of Jewish sects and certain minority communist teachings.

Modern Swinging

More recently, swinging origins could be traced back to the 1950s when war pilots would take care of their friends’ wives, if they died in combat, bringing a new emotional depth to the practice. This actually recalls the ancient Israelite law of brother-in-law marriage, taking care of a spouse who was left a widow.

Most recently the 1960s and 1970s sexual revolutions were times of questioning all moral codes, leading to an influx of open relationships that were not defined as cheating. In a new 2015 era, we are experiencing another revolutionary age of separating sexual pleasure from the concept of monogamous marriages, which were arguably based in monotheistic religions.

Open sexual attitudes certainly did not come from evolutionary understanding (with the idea that the male wanted to spread his seed as often as possible ensuring survival of the species, while females wanted genetically superior children from a variety of partners.) Nor can we dogmatically say it was foreign to eastern culture, since some teachings of Taoism and Tantra seem to refer to polyamorous relationships.

Swinging couples themselves have startlingly successful statistics in their favor, showing that their attitudes of freedom and open-mindedness is more conducive to creating long-lasting marriages.

Monogamous Failures

Statistical evidence on divorce suggests that strict monogamy may be the very reason why a good 51% of all marriages fail (more than half now!). Wives in monogamous marriages initiated 70 percent of all divorces while their partners initiated 30 percent, the majority with the understanding that the other partner was guilty and either traded up or “screwed up”, by being unfaithful. Although far more women “traded up” rather than “screwed up” (42% compared to 7%), it still shows a pattern than these are marriages ruined by infidelity and with “blame” attributed to one party.

In a swinger’s world view, sexual attraction is part of human nature and something different than love, fidelity, and marital bonding. It’s quite common for extramarital affairs to end in regret, with one partner no longer feeling the same intense feelings for the new partner before sex happened. In a swinger relationship, with almost total freedom to “cheat” without cheating, this wouldn’t be an issue.

The sexual desire would be satiated while the marriage built on honesty, love and respect would be strengthened. The majority of swinging couples are very much in love with each other, perhaps even more so than the traditional monogamous couple, and cite their intense emotional connection as the most important factor—not physical fidelity.

Monogamous couples, in contrast to swinging couples, tend to take a more judgmental approach to sex, whereas swingers are open-minded and promote a relaxed atmosphere of freedom and safety from being judged.

Why Does It Work?

Psychological thought suggests that because swingers are not motivated by fear or an urge to keep secrets, they are not as susceptible to jealousy. Fear is a major factor in why a partner deceives the other partner and has an affair.

Another problem is that monogamy only works if both partners completely meet the needs of the other partner, sexual and emotional, without any leftover desires that could be filled by a new partner.

Therefore, there is no conclusive answer to whether swinging is better than monogamy or vice versa. Some people can embrace swinging because they are naturally open-minded, flexible in viewpoint and adjustable to changing environment. Others cannot handle the jealous feelings that arise and stay clear of the lifestyle.

Ultimately, what does matter is if both partners’ sexual needs are being met and not ignored, which is a dangerous and neglectful act. Both swingers and monogamous couples should seek to satisfy their partners in whatever manner seems comfortable, making the effort to learn what desires may be unaddressed or latent.

Marriage and deep emotional-bonding isn’t about laying down rules—it’s about fulfilling your lover’s fantasy to the best of your abilities. Coincidence or new evidence worth considering?