The Secular/Religious Divide

Today I want to tackle a topic which I find very painful to witness:  the discord between the secular and the religious communities.  It is not as pronounced here as in some other countries, where it can take on military overtones. But it does play out in many political discussions and in the media.

I want to try to put myself in the place of each side in this argument, make a few of the claims I have heard them make, and then answer those charges from within the other side as best I can.  In other words, I want both to accuse and defend each side.

The secular accusing the religious:  

Statement:  "The religious right wants to impose their beliefs on all of the rest of us.  Who are they to tell us how we should live our lives?"  Answer:  There is a fundamental difference between the religious and the secular which has to do with religious belief in an authority higher than individual conscience.  The secular side might be described as having a philosophy of "Live and let live.  As long as I don't hurt anyone else, don't tell me how to live my life."  The religious side explicitly accepts the idea of God, and believes God gives us instruction manuals for what we are supposed to do, which often contradicts what we want to do.  According to the religious worldview, if left to our own notions of right and wrong, we get tangled in the web of our own passions and prejudices.  We therefore need something outside ourselves to steer us when we're about to go off course.

Statement:  "The religious establishment is as corrupt as any other.  They're all about money, sex and power just like any other organization."  Answer:  to varying degrees this is often true.  People who are drawn to leadership in religious organizations have to deal with the same temptations and seductions as anyone else. Clergy are automatically given power, respect and status and unless they are disciplined enough to hold themselves accountable, their congregants often don't dare to.  But while the religious organizations have a lot of egregious hypocrites in their ranks, I don't believe they have more than any other.  I think what happens is that they are held to a higher standard.  To which I would answer:  it's easy to never be a hypocrite when you never hold yourself accountable to any moral standard.  With as many failings as there are within the religious organizations, at least they are attempting to live a life according to principles that require ongoing sacrifice and struggle.

The religious accusing the secular: 

Statement:  "The secular have no morals, no standards, and no values.  Without God or church/synagogue/mosque, they are like lost sheep."  Answer: I think this attitude does a terrible injustice to the idealistic, principled, and passionate people who are at the forefront of wonderful organizations doing good throughout the country and throughout the world.  There are people everywhere who are trying to live a life of service to others and who never step foot in a house of worship, who wouldn't know Jonah from Job, who might not be able to name three of the Ten Commandments.  It is true there are many secular people living aimless, unreflecting lives.  But there are many religiously observant  people who are also living by rote. Going to church/synagogue/mosque does not give you a free pass to not have to think for yourself and grapple with yourself.

Statement:  "Secular culture is a seductive cesspool. If you taste of it, you'll be trapped by it."  Answer:  there are religious communities which attempt to isolate themselves as much as possible from the influence of secular culture:  no TVs, no movies, no contact with people outside their own faith. There is a need to be constantly mindful of what it is we are consuming and how it affects us, whether it be food or culture.  While there is a natural temptation to want to eliminate temptation entirely, that, I believe, takes the easy way out and throws the baby out with the bathwater.  We are all given free choice and need to accept the responsibility of it.  While that doesn't mean a religious person needs to challenge him or herself by living on the Las Vegas strip, I don't think the opposite extreme of rejecting anything not from one's own circle is the answer.  It results in something like moral inbreeding, and some insular religious communities end up very distorted as a result.

This is a very big topic and I can just scratch the surface with it here.  I welcome any thoughts from you, the readers, but as always I ask that you be as mindful of your own prejudices as possible and be respectful of the beliefs of others.

Do you have a question about your marriage or relationship? Is there a particular topic on relationships or individual psychological issues you would like addressed in this blog? Ask Josh in the comments below or email him at josh@joshgressel.com.

Josh Gressel, Ph.D., is a couples and individual therapist based in Pleasant Hill, CA. Visit his website at joshgressel.com.  He is currently accepting referrals.