Marinating in Your Successes; Practicing Shielding

"If you'd told me ten months ago that I would feel relieved today, I never would have believed you," Mary (not her real name) said as she told me about finalizing her divorce. "I used to think he was my oxygen tank," she went on, "that I would suffocate without him. Now I see that I have my own tank!"

I smiled with her at the revelation, remembering how hard it was for her to believe she would be okay if her marriage ended. We reminisced about the earlier stages of her therapy, pausing to "marinate" in each step toward greater independence and self-care, letting the positive experiences register more deeply in her neurons. In psycho-babble, we call this, "meta-processing." I like to call it "mega-processing." Resting in the awareness or memory of success is a powerful healing tool - especially for those of us who were discouraged from feeling a healthy sense of pride (others, maybe getting pride confused with grandiosity, conceit or being too full of oneself). 

The other thing that Mary shared with me was a more recent success. Before our previous session, whenever she dealt with her ex, her mind would start telling stories that made her feel bad. If he was critical of her, she'd question herself. If she heard he was doing well or being social, she'd wonder why she wasn't enough for him. So I asked her if it might feel good to visualize having a shield protecting herself from his words and/or actions.

She ran with the idea. Having read the Harry Potter series with her kids, she borrowed the Patronus Charm and began using it with her ex. "In my mind I could see the silvery white light protecting me, and his words or expressions would just slide off the shield. It was so powerful."

What an amazing thing for Mary to step into the power (and lucky me, to witness her grace and skill employing a new tool). We shared our appreciation for J.K. Rowling, empowering kids (and the kids in all of us) everywhere.

Thank you Mary, for letting me share in the joy of reflecting on your strength and growth. I am blessed I get to work with you!