Hang In There, High Schoolers

A couple of weeks ago Race to Nowhere at a screening at .

It made me physically ill. 

Starting about five minutes into the film, all I could think was, "Oh my God, I have to go home and do my homework right now. I shouldn't be out on a school night."

• Mom Talk:

As the film advanced, so did my stress level. It brought back every intense feeling of guilt and anxiety from my high school days—from fifth grade on, actually. There wasn't a moment from fifth grade until the very end of high school that I felt an iota of relief.

OK, fine, there was summer break. Thank goodness. But I hear they're still trying to get rid of that these days.*

I spent my childhood working really, really hard. On the flip side, I got exactly what I wanted—acceptance to film school at USC, my first-choice school and program. I had actually done it. There was a genuine payoff for working my butt off for the better half of my life—even though by the time I actually got there, I was burned out. 

What really got to me during the screening was the fact that things hadn't changed since my unimaginably stressful school years. In fact, things seem to have gotten worse. 

These poor kids are becoming depressed and suicidal, and they're dropping out of school due to impossible standards and curricula that leave them unable to think.

The students are merely standardized-test zombies retaining information until the test is over. Not using it. I remember being ridiculously stressed, but not to the point of a total mental breakdown.**

After the film screening, I spoke with concerned parents (many of whose kids weren't even in school yet).  Their worry simultaneously made me feel better and also needlessly fear for the future of my unborn future-children. ***

But when it was all said and done, all I could find myself wondering was, "What is so different about my generation and this one? What changed?"

I'm 25.  Your average high schooler is less than 10 years younger than I. What is so different now? In my day there was competition for grades, demanding extracurriculars and near impossible rates of acceptance into renowned institutions.  

While discussing it with my mother, we considered a few possible reasons:

Family dynamics—is the nuclear family becoming less and less the norm? Are kids taking care of themselves more and more while both parents work or live in separate homes? But then again, there have always been divorce and working parents. Is it just more prevalent?

I can't help but think that this lack of family cohesion is at least partly exacerbated by the recession. There is a greater need for money and far more job competition than there was even four years ago.

Speaking of competition, why can't we let kids be kids? It seems as though these days, every kid must be a little professional. To be frank, it's a little creepy. Not to say that having a skill isn't confidence boosting and potentially lucrative, but if kids never get a chance to fail or try out different options and make juvenile decisions, how will they deal with their future?****  Or with the fact that life isn't all lemonade? It's hard. You can't always be the best at everything. We learn from mistakes. That's how we grow and develop and relate to our fellow human beings. That's how we get better.

Another major factor that came to mind was the Internet. My generation grew up with the Internet, yes. It became popular around the time I was in fifth grade. Everyone was on AOL Instant Messenger.

However, the Internet was still figuring out what it was. It was more anonymous. It wasn't everything. It was becoming. That is the difference.

Today, kids don't remember a day without the Internet and personal cellphones. They don't know what it was like. This constant communication and availability (not just with kids), while convenient, is perhaps too so. It encourages isolation.

Adolescence is hard enough without constantly feeling like your life isn't as exciting as everyone else's on your Facebook feed. Isolation isn't healthy for anyone, much less teenagers with raging hormones and inferiority complexes. The Internet makes for a false sense of community and can be a constant reminder of inadequacy (even when it's not true). These mind games of "social" interaction can be a huge pressure in the minds of teenagers who are constantly worried about their social standing.

We need to identify the culprit, and soon. We are in desperate need of a healthy balance of life and convenience—so much so that it is hurting our kids. 

Unfortunately, I fear, we haven't reached the breaking point yet, and preemptive solutions are rare.

Thanks, Vicki Abeles, for making Race to Nowhere. Hopefully this attention to a problem that, in essence, shows the state of the union, will bring about change. But also, Vicki, would you please consider combining your DVD with something soothing? How about a dual DVD—Race to Nowhere and Bryan Kest's Power Yoga?

*  An idle threat that’s been going on for years, except for that school your cousin went to that actually did it. 

** Isn't that what your early to mid-20s are for?

***Not to mention that just the thought of the future children themselves freaked me out.

****Two words: child stars.