Teaching Teens to Be in Control

One can only imagine the thoughts of a mother as she watches her daughter being pinned to the ground by an adult male. But when that daughter uses a "heave off" move to fight off her attacker, the mother's reaction changes.

"I wish all moms could be here to see this," Debra Kalianov said about the technique being demonstrated at a DateSafe self-defense class. "Did you see that? She just knocked him right off. It was amazing."

Kalianov, a Redondo Beach mother, had heard about the class from a friend. She then suggested that a group of fellow Bishop Montgomery High School mothers all bring their college-bound daughters to the class. They agreed that it was vital to prepare their daughters before they left home.

The class, taught by Redondo Beach resident and martial arts expert Morgan Kramer, combines physical self-defense techniques and verbal boundary setting in dating situations.

Last Sunday, the mothers and daughters gathered at the Resurrection Lutheran Church in Redondo Beach to learn how to protect themselves.

"These girls have been together since kindergarten, and many of them are still in the same Girl Scout troop," Kalianov said. "They grew up in a trusting, Christian environment. As they go off to college, if they are too trusting, they could get into trouble."

The three-and-a-half-hour DateSafe seminar gives girls ages 13 to 18 the tools to ensure that they are in control of what happens on a date and, in the worst- case scenario, how to prevent a rape. Teens learn about what Kramer calls  boys' "playbook," a collection of common tricks young males use to get their dates to proceed further sexually than they may feel comfortable doing, and how to recognize and deal with those gimmicks. Girls also acquire specific techniques including verbal ones and nonverbal ones such as full force kneeing to the groin and the heave off to get out from a pinned-down position.  

Kramer said that girls need to make their boundaries clear to boys.

"The interesting thing is, guys are like puppies, they really like to have rules and know what is expected of them," said the martial artist. "Girls love learning the physical self-defense techniques, but the most important part of the class is learning how to set and enforce your own boundaries so that the boys don't decide for you."

Kramer has been teaching martial arts and women's self defense since 1984. He holds black belt rankings in four styles of martial arts and has more than 6,000 hours of teaching experience with students ages 4 to 70-plus, including people with severe orthopedic challenges, hearing impairments and learning disabilities. 

"I tailor the class according to the age of the girls," he said. "I have two different curriculums, one for girls 13-17 and another for older girls ready to go off to college. I talk about issues dealing with alcohol use, date rape drugs and sexting" (exchanging provocative images and words through text messaging).

According to a report by the Justice Department, one in six girls will become the victim of rape or date rape before the age of 18. Kramer believes that's an underestimate.

The Guttmacher Institute, a nonprofit organization that works to advance reproductive health, reported that 70 percent of American girls describe their first time having sex as "involuntary." 

"That doesn't necessarily mean rape," Kramer said. "But it does mean she didn't want to do what she was doing. My vision is that every teenage girl not only can explain what she wants, but can enforce her needs in any situation."

"You just never know," Kalianov said. "As parents you think you do all the right things to protect your daughters and lead them on the right path, but you can't be with them 24/7. They have to find their own way." 

"This class makes you feel powerful as a woman and confident in being able to stand your own ground," Julia Kalianov, 18, said after the class.

For more information on DateSafe, call (310) 902-1515 or go to www.morgankramer.com. Classes can be arranged anywhere in the South Bay for a group of eight to 10 girls for $75 per student.