Fear of Failure – The Ultimate Female Taboo

When Elizabeth Warren declared that the two remaining female candidates on the stage at the last Democratic Presidential debate had never failed to win an election they ran in, when in fact the men had lost elections she effectively supported women who only aspire to what they are sure they can win.

What a disservice!

If we truly want equality between the sexes, women need to stop being afraid to fail! It is a message that doesn’t even make sense to a man, really a boy. From when they are small toddlers, boys are inducted into a competitive landscape usually through sports where among others they learn to deal with failure every day, morning and afternoon, day in, day out. What they learn is not to be afraid of failure, but to simply get up and try again. And so they learn to try, and try, and try until they do win. For those that keep trying the winning usually comes. Then once they start winning, the only thing that changes is the percentage of wins versus losses. They still keep losing. They lose when they play boys that are much older and stronger than they are but they don’t quit, they understand that they too will one day become older and stronger and so they keep improving their percentages. They lose when they play against better athletes but they don’t quit, they understand that losing is part of winning and that competing against those that are momentarily better can help them improve.

Women or little girls however when they fail to win are often counseled that if they don’t like failing they should simply stop playing the game. No matter what the game is. You don’t want to lose, don’t play! This is how we end up with female candidates that have only persevered (can we really call it persevering?) when they haven’t failed. To make matters worse, female candidates over and over point this out as if it was worthy of being an applause line! I am thinking not only of Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar but yes of, Kamala Harris. Does quitting count as losing? How many little girls have been watching and listening in and taking away the message that if it looks like they may fail or if they fail they should simply stop trying? Truly sad!

Full disclosure, I ran for council five years ago and lost. One of the “condolence” letters I got from a local elected official recounted the story of Abraham Lincoln who ran eight times and failed in business twice before being elected and becoming one of the best presidents this country has ever had. (While I may not yet have chosen to run again, in so far as in business I have failed and succeeded. You can visit my latest business effort at www.airspeq.com.) To me, the message was just because you failed your first time doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again or even that you won’t be a great council member. Try again. In business and in politics, one learns a lot from failure! Those that have never failed tend to be narcissistic and generally lack the real empathy needed to lead.

Just as importantly if not more so the data compiled by Reflective Democracy Campaign has found that:

“There’s no mistaking that white men dominate politics. At 30% of the population, they hold 62% of elected offices at the local, state and federal level – more than double their share. But while white men may still have a monopoly hold on elected office, they do not hold a monopoly on electability. In 2015, our research found that when they’re on the ballot, women of all races and men of color win elections at the same rates as white men.”

The report goes on to state: “While a number of entrenched barriers continue to protect the starkly unbalanced demographics of political power in America, such as political parties and other gatekeepers, the power of incumbency, and the economic realities of running for and holding office.” The largest barrier is probably the fear of failure women have been brought up with. For the fact is that “the wider range of candidates on the ballot in 2018 resulted in more reflective elected leaders in 2019.”

To read the complete report go to: https://wholeads.us/the-electability-myth/

If you sign up your odds are the same, but a fear of failure prevents women and other groups from even trying! Women need to be encouraged to run -- win, lose or draw -- because if not they fail by not even trying.

Hillary Clinton failed to win the nomination in 2007 and yet she tried again and won the nomination the second time. Pete Buttigieg failed to win the election to run the DCCC and now he is running for President. In fact even now journalists like John Ellis of the Washington Post note that Pete Buttigieg “ isn’t going to win the Masters the first time he plays the course.” So why are people and in particular women expecting only women who win every time including clearly the first time to be considered successful.

I doubt that a truly great president male or female will be a president who has never failed. So I say to little girls, high school girls, young adult females, old adult females when you fail, do not stop, keep trying! And if you fail again, try again!