Blog: Let’s Stand Together Against Bullying

I have felt sad hearing recent reports of young people taking their lives. The reports state those young people had been bullied. Suicide is a tragic situation for the family and friends and is very complicated to understand. My heart goes out to the family and friends affected by this tragedy. I do think this is an opportunity to have a discussion and, as a community, determine what we can change.

There is a problem in our community (yes I know it is in other communities too) where young people suffer at the hands of bullies. Bullying has been on the radar for years and sometimes it is dismissed as “kids will be kids.” There are some people in our society who try to feel powerful by treating others in aggressive manner: verbally or physically.

Who is responsible to make the bullying stop? I don’t think bullying is completely the schools’ responsibility, the parents’ responsibility or police departments’ responsibility. I am not here to blame any group for being the owner of this problem.

This is everyone’s responsibility. I see this as a community problem. The only way it can stop is for all of us to say, “No more.” The bully can think that the behavior he is engaging in is OK, since the community does not step in and say stop. So he continues to do it. More often than not someone (a young person or an adult) sees or hears the bullying.

A solution to this problem is to stand arm in arm as a community. I call this the Red Rover Technique. Remember the game Red Rover? It goes like this: There are two lines of children facing each other and they lock arm in arm. They call out to the person who is “it” and say, “Red Rover, Red Rover let Jimmy come over.” Then Jimmy comes running over and tries to break through the line. If the line is strongly linked together then Jimmy cannot get through. If there is a weakness in the chain link, then Jimmy breaks through.

The community needs to stand strongly arm in arm and say, “We are as mad as heck and we are not going to take this anymore.” How do we stand arm in arm?

• Kids (as age appropriate) - Stand up for each other. Name calling, pushing, hitting is not acceptable. Talk together and see how you can help each other. I know it can be scary. Talk to adults in your life. Also, check yourself; are you being a bully to others?
• Parents and adults - Ask children about bullying. What do they think and feel about it? Are they or their friends being bullied? If they say yes, ask more questions. As Steven Covey says, “Seek to understand.” Use open ended questions where the answer cannot be yes or no. Ask them what they think can be done about it. If it is happening to your child, seek help: talk to the school personnel, trusted friends or other parents. Join with others to come up with a solution. If your child is being bullied, a licensed therapist can help them process their feelings, so they do not keep it inside.
• Community members - Increased communication is the first step in determining answers. Don’t engage in the bystander effect where you walk away thinking someone else will take care of it. They won’t.  Sometimes people do not want to get involved, because they are afraid. You don’t have to know the answers, just start listening and asking questions.

My heart goes out to all kids who are being bullied and I encourage them to talk about it, because keeping if inside can affect your mental health.   

Don’t remain silent anymore. Stand arm in arm and don’t let the bullying continue.

This blog is not a substitute for counseling or psychotherapy. If you or your child is experiencing psychological problems, please seek the help of a licensed therapist. You can contact me at my office (916) 847-8053 for a referral or go to www.counselingcalifornia.com for a local therapist.