Leaving the Nest and Looking Back

My baby boy just turned 19 years old, the same age I was when I decided I knew everything, spread my wings and left the nest.

It was 1973, and I couldn’t wait to be out in the world. At that time, my older siblings had already moved away, leaving just me and my dad at home.

Within a few weeks of high school graduation, I left my family home behind, and moved into a nearby apartment.

I never looked back as I walked out the front door of the only home I had known for 19 years -- although I wish I had.

My meager income back then was from a part-time job at a local drugstore, so needless to say, my first place was located in a questionable neighborhood, and furnished with whatever mismatched pieces I knew my dad wouldn’t miss.

An old wooden cable spool became my coffee table, and pine boards stacked between cinder blocks were turned into bookshelves. Black-light posters of flourescent psychedelic designs decorated the barren white walls.

On weekends I’d stop by my dad’s to do my laundry and grab some food from the refrigerator. I rarely took the time to ask him how he was doing; after all, it was all about me back then.

Within a few months, I was married and building a real nest of my own. Visits with my dad grew further and further apart.

Now, almost 40 years later, it’s just me and my 19-year-old son (who thinks he knows everything) left at home.

I see a lot of myself in him as he begins to inch his way to the edge of the nest and look out into the world. Little does he realize that I’m watching him knowingly as he eyes the furniture, wondering what I won’t miss.  After all, it’s all about him now, as it should be.

I’ve learned that I really didn’t know anything back when I was 19. If I had, I would have looked back when I walked out that door for the last time, and considered my dad, and the lonely silence my absence left behind.

It is only now that I understand the bittersweet emotions parents feel as they watch a new life begin for their child, knowing deep inside that a part of their own has come to an end.

Baby birds leave the nest and never look back. Let’s hope it’s not so for baby boys.