Congealed Weapons of Mess Destruction

Are you glad to see me or is that your Freudian substitute?

I’m in a decade I never thought I’d reach. Some of my wrinkles are giving birth to baby wrinkles [oh, how I could use a legal abortion on my skin].

This is why I still relish a sideways look, eye contact, the sight of surfers peeling off wet suits, and men who try to look at my cleavage through their bifocals.

I do not like to be fooled. 

Concealed carry in Orange County will prove to be a disaster. Why don’t the 600 people who have applied for the ability to carry hidden weapons apply common sense?

Why not carry books, rescued animals, bananas? 

Why not carry three frozen peas in their pockets? Every day, every time you greet a stranger, reach out your hand in friendship, you get to remove a frozen pea from your person. If you don’t reach out, the peas defrost. 

Something I wish your concealed weapon would do.