Bay Area Couple Who Fostered Troubled Kids For Decades Honored

SAN MATEO, CA — More than 30 years have passed since Paul and Betsy Rose Franklin first opened their home to some of San Mateo County's most troubled foster kids.

Their service was honored during a recent San Mateo County Board of Supervisors meeting, and social workers are calling for more foster parents — also known as resource parents — to consider signing up.

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"We need more families. What I would say is, if someone has an interest -- if they have an inspiration in their heart -- give us a call," said Nicole Daly, supervising mental health clinician with San Mateo County Children and Family Services.

She said shortages in resource families within the county often means children must be placed outside the county, which makes visits with family challenging.

"We have a whole unit that meets with families who are interested and really talks them through the process," she said.

Speaking to a reporter after announcing their retirement, the Franklins laughed (and sometimes cried) as they reflected on decades spent loving children in need — staying the course when things got tough, making sure every kid in their home graduated from high school and even adopting three of the boys.

The Franklins described the many lessons taught in their home over the years. One lesson was about belonging regardless of skin color.

Originally from Panama, Betsy remembered times when strangers thought she was kidnapping children while out in public with her foster kids who didn't look like her.

"We taught them that people label us," Betsy said. "But what we are is human beings -- our blood, our heart, everything -- and we're family."

Another lesson was about self-reflection and patience. Paul taught this through a passion for fishing.

"I tell them, the fish ain't gonna bite just because you want it to bite. It's gonna bite when it's ready; you just have to be there waiting. That's patience," he said. "When you have a problem and you want to think, get your fishing pole and sit on the bank."

But the word that surfaced the most frequently as they walked through the past three decades was "love."

"If you take the kids in your home, if you're not going to love them like they're your own, leave them where they are," Paul said.

The couple recalled camping trips, family vacations and Thanksgiving holidays that packed their home with a growing number of foster youth they supported and oftentimes the biological parents of those kids. Betsy stressed the importance of keeping children connected to their families when possible.

"I teach my kids love. In spite of whatever their parents went through, we are going to love them," she said, sharing a story of taking one foster daughter to her biological father's graduation. That father later sent her a text reading, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here."

Daly explained that the county does not terminate parental rights; instead, children who are no longer on the path to reunite with the families from which they were taken are put into what's called permanent placement. She noted that the Franklins specialized in serving this particular demographic of foster youth with complex trauma and that the kids stayed in their home until they aged out.

"(The Franklins) have been part of our therapeutic program, which is a higher level of support where they have a lot more staff and clinicians," Daly said. "I've been in the county now over 20 years, and at any given time, I would go to a meeting, and someone would say, 'Hey, Nicole, does Miss Betsy have an opening? We have this great kid.' And so many times I would have to say, 'I'm sorry, they're full.' So everyone always knows Miss Betsy and Mr. Paul were full because when they met the kids, the kids stayed with them."

Betsy's advice for new or aspiring resource families is to separate the child -- someone with deep trauma -- from their behavior. She recalled one teen boy with a reputation so notorious she was told by other foster parents that he would never graduate from high school and that the Franklins would, like many others, send him back into the system. "That boy has crashed our car. I should have called the county and tell them to pick him up, but we didn't do that," Betsy said, adding that that same kid went on to graduate from college with a master's degree.

"You have to really have a heart for kids, because if you take the kid in and just because they spit on something or they do something bad, and you call CPS to come pick them up, you're doing more damage to those kids than you're really helping them," she said. "You can't think of it as a business; you have to have the love."

By Aly Brown, Bay City News

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