Ask Nicole: January is Positive Parenting Awareness Month in Santa Cruz County

This month I’m taking a break from our regular question-and-answer format to recognize January as the third annual Positive Parenting Awareness Month in Santa Cruz County. If you have a parenting question for next month’s column, please email me at triplep@first5scc.org.

I have always known that I wanted to be a parent. And I thought I would be prepared. I read books, studied psychology, child development and social work, and spent years working with children in childcare settings, schools, group homes and parenting programs. I thought I was prepared to raise children — until I had them.

If you’ve ever helped raise a child, then you know what I mean when I say there is no way to prepare for parenthood before you actually become a parent. You might understand in concept that life will be different once you have kids, but you really have to experience sleep deprivation to understand how much it affects your mood and ability to form complete sentences, let alone make rational decisions.

You might think you will never be the parent of “that child” who throws a fit when it’s time to leave the park because you’ve read every parenting book on the planet and have a game plan for staying calm while being firm. But you really have to experience the panic and embarrassment of being “that parent” in the park to understand just how difficult parenting is in real life.

You might know that you have a tremendous capacity to love unconditionally. And yet you have to watch your child take his first steps, hear her say “I love you,” or feel the warmth of his embrace as you comfort him to fully understand the depth and magnitude of the love you have for your child.

So as someone who was overconfident and underprepared before becoming a parent, I want to thank the Santa Cruz County Board of Supervisors for designating January as Positive Parenting Awareness Month for the third year in a row. Although parenting is a non-stop job that deserves recognition every day of the year, this month is a great opportunity to reflect on the joys and rewards of raising children and recommit to being a positive parent.

What is positive parenting? It’s an approach to raising children based on collective wisdom and evidence about the skills and support children need to become happy, healthy, confident, independent human beings. Positive parenting is about promoting children’s healthy development, building their capacity to handle emotions and solve problems, and teaching skills they’ll need to have healthy relationships at home, school and work. Research shows that when children grow up in positive, loving and safe environments with clear and consistent boundaries and limits, their brains are primed to learn in school, get along with others, and succeed in future relationships and life endeavors.

Positive parenting is not about being a perfect parent or raising a perfect child. Neither of those things exist, not even in Disney movies. And positive parenting is not about finding a “one size fits all” solution for parenting. That also doesn’t exist.

What does exist are multiple parenting programs in Santa Cruz County that provide families with information and support they need to raise happy, healthy children. One option is the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, backed by 30 years of international research. The network of Triple P providers in our community has helped thousands of Santa Cruz County families over the past five years find helpful and effective parenting tools.

This January, join us in celebrating the many biological, foster and adoptive parents, grandparents, relatives and other caregivers who are raising children. If you’re raising a child, give yourself a pat on the back (or get a well-deserved massage), then help consider these positive parenting strategies:

- Give your children extra affection and quality time. This is the “ounce of prevention” that is “worth a pound of cure.”

- Pick up a Triple P Parenting Pocket Guide. Our newest Stepping Stones Triple P guide provides tips for families raising children with special needs, and complements our pocket guide for families with children birth to 12 years old and families with teens.

- Participate in any of the Triple P events happening throughout January.

- Support a new parent with a smile, and a home-cooked meal or two. They might think they can make dinner with one hand and change a crying baby’s diaper with the other, but they’ll realize soon that a helping hand from a caring friend or family member is priceless. And we could all use a helping hand from time to time, right?

Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 11 and 14, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. For more information, including classes and one-on-one meetings to help parents handle everyday parenting challenges, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc or www.youtube.com/triplepsantacruzco. To find a Triple P class or practitioner, contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.