Arts & Entertainment
Leaked Images and Texts Contradict Asia Argento’s Denials
A satirical look at current events!
Leaked Images and Texts Contradict Asia Argento’s Denials: After completely denying a New York Times report that she had sex with then 17-year-old child actor Jimmy Bennett, newly leaked photos and texts to TMZ seem to indicate that #MeToo leader Asia Argento wasn’t being completely truthful. Gee, this whole story is starting to sound like a great script for a movie. I’ll bet they could even talk Harry Weinstein into producing it.
Study Says Sudden Earth Magnetic Field Shift Could be Catastrophic: A new study suggests that our planet’s magnetic poles could shift much more rapidly than previously thought - which could have a catastrophic impact on life here on Earth which is so dependent on electronics. Well, I’m not gonna worry about it cause you know what they say - “shift happens.”
Find out what's happening in Santa Monicafor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Trump Says 80 Percent of Media are the Enemy of the People: When asked to clarify how much of the press he sees as “the enemy of the people,” President Trump says he puts it at about 80 percent. There’s truth in that statement, especially when you consider that so many of Trump’s people are on their way to jail.
Manafort Found Guilty and Cohen Implicates Trump: In what had to be a very bad day for President Trump, his former campaign manger Paul Manafort was convicted on eight of 18 counts and former personal attorney Michael Cohen entered a guilty plea to prosecutors which included implicating the President in directing him to pay hush money. Gee, we’re at the point where about the only place that would be appropriate for a Trump Presidential Library would be someplace like Alcatraz Island.
Find out what's happening in Santa Monicafor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Life Began 100 Million Years Earlier Than We Previously Thought: According to new data, the first living thing to emerge on our planet appeared at least 100 million years earlier than we previously thought. Oh really? And just how do they know what I had previously thought?
Meth Addicts Looting Archaeological Sites Worldwide: Archaeologists say the frequently of thefts of antiquities from their dig sites worldwide is increasing dramatically because of methamphetamine addicts - bent on looting dig sites. Because of this, researchers suggest that if you happen to stumble upon anything archaeologically significant, its probably a much better idea to contact an archaeologist rather than a meth addict.
Colombians Told to Avoid Sex as Intense Heatwave Continues: Health officials in the Columbian coastal city of Santa Marta are warning residents to avoid having sex during peak hottest hours of the day while the area’s intense heatwave continues. Damn, that’d be just my luck - finally about to get lucky and they cancel all sex because of global warming.
Astronomers Find Ice on the Moon’s Surface: Astronomers say they’ve found patches of ice scattered around the moon’s north and south poles which could one day provide a source of water for human visitors. Not to be outdone down here on Earth, an alcoholic in North Hollywood was caught “mooning” people who were buying ice at 7-Eleven.
Scientists Say Earth Will Be Habitable for 1.75 Billion Years: The LA Times is reporting that scientists have run the numbers and found that the the Earth will likely be habitable for at least another 1.75 billion years. Needless to say, that’s gonna make a lot of homeowners feel a bit more comfortable about their 30-year mortgages.
