Some Still Pushing to Have Pluto Reinstated as a Planet

Some Still Pushing to Have Pluto Reinstated as a Planet: Ever since the International Astronomical Union (IAU) demoted Pluto from planet status to “dwarf planet,” there have been those who’ve been steadily pushing back, trying to get Pluto re-classified as a planet again. My feeling has always been that maybe after we’re certain Pluto has learned its lesson and paid its debt to society - then and only then should we even consider thinking about reinstating it as a planet.

FEMA Chief Says Puerto Rico Death Toll Numbers All Over the Place: In remarks that echoed those of President Trump’s, embattled FEMA Administrator William “Brock” Long said figures for how many people died as a result of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico last year are actually “all over the place.” I think Administrator Long may be a bit confused. I believe its actually bodies, not numbers that are all over the place.

Knife Rights Advocates Borrowing Tactics From NRA: The little-known Arizona-based advocacy group Knife Rights, has been borrowing tactics from the National Rifle Association to rack up legislative victories across the nation, arguing that weapons such as switchblades, push daggers and even ballistic knives that shoot like spears from a handle - should be protected by the 2nd Amendment. I totally get it! I mean, without a good knife, how in the hell are people supposed to defend themselves at illegal crap games or cock fights?

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Worker Killed After Falling Into Meat Blender: A 41-year-old man has died after falling into a running meat blender at an Oregon meat-processing plant which has been repeatedly cited for safety violations. Gee, sort of makes you long for the good old days when inspectors were only finding things like traces of horse meat or rat dung in meat. That said, plant managers are telling the public there’s really nothing to worry about and that as long as the meat is cooked at over 165 degrees, it should be just fine to eat.

World’s Oldest and Largest Ancient Wine Cellar: Archaeologists say they’ve discovered a 3700-year-old wine cellar in northern Israel, making it the the oldest and largest ancient wine cellar ever to be unearthed. In related news, Trader Joe’s announced they’ll be offering the wine at the special low price of $4.99 a bottle - beginning early next week.

Mummified Ice Age Wolf Pup Dug Up in Canada: A rare complete mummified wolf pup - radiocarbon-dated to more than 50,000 years ago and preserved in its entirety, has been discovered by gold miners in Yukon territory. Frankly, I’m actually more surprised to discover there are still gold miners in Yukon than I am to find wolves. Hell, I thought they all died-off a hundred years ago.

Earliest Known Drawing Found on Rock in South African Cave: The earliest known cave drawing in history – a red, cross-hatched pattern believed to be 73,000 years old – has been found in a cave in South Africa. While archeologists are thrilled, art critics were not impressed, describing the painting as “primitive at best.”

Man Planning Murder Accidentally Butt-Dials Victim: Police in Arkansas say a man's plot to murder another man was reportedly uncovered after he accidentally “butt-dialed” his intended victim who overheard the man discussing the murder plot and called police. I guess that’s what can happen when people start talking out of their ass.

Starbucks Opens Cafe Staffed Exclusively By Elderly People: Starbucks has opened a cafe in Mexico City that will have an exclusively elderly staff. Ironically, many customers reported that they placed their orders in their 20’s, but by the time they finally received their drinks - they were nearly old enough to work at the Starbucks.

Gun Owners Much More Likely To Vote Than Non-Gun Owners: University of Kansas researchers analyzed data from the General Social Survey between 1972 through 2012 and found that gun owners are significantly more likely to register and also vote in presidential elections than non-gun owners. Of course, if you’re not a gun owner, you’re probably thinking “oh shoot!”

One in Five Adults Admit Peeing in Public Pools: According to a recent survey that questioned roughly 1,000 American adults, one in five admitted urinating in public swimming pools. Republicans say this further illustrates why we need to begin issuing vouchers for private pools.

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Woman Gets Rare Case of Hairy Black Tongue From Antibiotic: While recovering in a hospital after a serious car accident, a 55-year-old Missouri woman began complaining of nausea and a bad taste in her mouth. Upon examination, doctors found she had a rare case of a condition called “black hairy tongue” - thought to be a side effect of the antibiotic minocycline. Come on now, this can’t be a real condition! This study has be just tongue-in-cheek.

Scientists Discover First Known Plant-Eating Shark: Researchers at UC Irvine and Florida International University have confirmed that the bonnethead shark is the world’s first known omnivore shark - one that prefers eating both plants and meat. OK, so they found a shark who happens to enjoy a little side salad when it eats a surfer. What’s the deal?

Astronomers Find Black Holes Swallow and Then Burp Up Stars: Astronomers have discovered black holes don't just “eat” stars, but they also “burp” them back up as stellar ghosts. They burp them up? Well, I can’t say I’m really surprised, after all, everyone knows they eat these stars way too fast. I mean, aren’t they supposed to wait something like 20 light years for the star to digest before eating another one?