Stormy Daniels’ Lawyer Avenatti Arrested for Domestic Violence

Stormy Daniels’ Lawyer Avenatti Arrested for Domestic Violence: TMZ is reporting that Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti has been arrested in Los Angeles on a felony domestic violence charge against his estranged wife Lisa Storie Avenatti, but she has issued a statement to NBC claiming that Avenatti has “never been violent with her.” Wow, one way or the other, it sounds like this guy’s gonna need himself a pretty good lawyer. I’m not sure about this, but I think Michael Cohen is available. One thing’s for sure, if he does get convicted, I think it’s a pretty safe bet Donald Trump isn’t going to pardon him.

Stephen Hawking's Wheelchair Sells for Nearly $400K: The wheelchair of theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking, which was expected to sell for somewhere between $10,000 to 15,000, just sold at an auction for nearly $400,000. All I can say is, that’s theoretically one hell of a lot of money. I mean, about the only way I’d ever be able to come up with that kind money is if we transcended into some kind of parallel universe. Anyway, I hope whomever bought it puts it to good use - otherwise, it’s like throwing your money into a black hole.

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Gas Pumps Are the Direst Public Surfaces: According to a new study by Kimberly-Clark, gas pump handles are the filthiest public surfaces in America. Which is precisely why I almost never lick my fingers after I finish pumping gas into my car.

Study Finds Concussions May Cause Alzheimer’s: In what may be more bad news for the NFL, a study published in the journal Neurology found that people who have suffered concussions are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease as they get older. You mean to tell me that endlessly slamming your head into hard objects at high speeds year after year after year after year could have a downside? Why I’m so shocked, you could have knocked me over with a feather - or maybe even a 240-pound linebacker.

Study Finds Single Men Not As Bad-Off as Once Thought: A new study about men seems to contradict previous studies assessing men who remain single for all their lives, finding that while marriage usually means men will make more money and reduces the likelihood they will commit crimes, single men seem to have more friends and have deeper connections to them, demonstrate more emotional self-sufficiency and have a heightened sense of self-determination. Well, they’re certainly right about one thing - single men commit more crimes. I’m single and I have a rap sheet so long, it would make Al Capone blush. What crimes you ask? Why I rob the married men who make more money - of course. And talk about determination, why I’m completely determined to commit even more crimes. So there you have it - study validated!

Scientists Spot Possible Giant Impact Crater Under Greenland Ice: A team of scientists say they’ve spotted a huge 20-mile wide scar hidden below a melting ice sheet in Greenland - which they believe to be an impact crater from a giant iron meteorite. Meanwhile, Trump officials expressed doubt, claiming these pics don’t look much like a melting ice sheet to them - but more like a massive glob of shaving cream, that some prankster sprayed all over the rocks.

Insecticide Makes Bees Lazy And Causes Die-Offs: Researchers have known for a long time that popular insecticides such neonicotinoids could hurt bees, but now they’re learning how - as new data shows the insecticide frequently makes bees too lazy to do the necessary duties they need to do for survival. Meanwhile, Trump’s acting EPA chief Andrew Wheeler is disputing the insecticide claims, saying he believes the bees are just a bunch of lazy, no-goods who’d rather just pick up some honey on sale at Trader Joes than go to the bother of making it themselves.

Husbands and Wives Who Smoke Weed Don’t Experience Same High: According to a new data, it appears females get higher from smoking weed than males and also tend to become addicted much easier. Now I can’t really speak about female addiction, but I do know my front lawn appears to be heavily addicted to weeds.

Researchers Suggest Using Laser to Contact Alien Civilizations: Scientists want to build an infrared laser that is both hot and bright enough to attract the attention of any intelligent civilizations located on nearby exoplanets. OK, may as well give ‘em Trump’s phone number. Meanwhile, rumor has it that Scientologists are already putting a “welcome basket” together for them.

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Hell’s Angels Frequently Sue Over Trademark Infringement: Despite their outlaw image, a little known fact is that the Hells Angels organization have brought more than a dozen cases in federal court, alleging infringement for borrowing the motorcycle club's name and insignias in the past six years. I can see their point. I mean, you wouldn’t want some outsider tarnishing that unblemished image the gang has worked so hard to maintain.

Mars Was Probably Flooded With Water Billions of Years Ago: New data indicate that Mars probably was flooded with much more water billion of years ago than what was previously thought. Which explains why you’ll never find housing there - there’s no flood insurance on Mars, so nothing got rebuilt after the floods.