Trump Takes Aim at McCain and Biden at Pre-SOTU Luncheon

Trump Takes Aim at McCain and Biden at Pre-SOTU Luncheon: During a pre-SOTU luncheon with network anchors, President Trump took some cheap shots at the late John McCain, saying his book bombed and then Joe Biden - saying he hoped Biden will be his opponent in 2020 because Biden isn’t very smart. Now, I have no idea how well John McCain’s last book sold, but isn’t being called “dumb” by Donald Trump - a little like being call “fat” by Chris Christie?

New Study Finds Sunday Most Popular Day to Watch Porn: According to a new study released by the world’s most popular porn site Pornhub found that the fewest amount of people watch porn on Friday, while Sunday turns out to be the most popular day to watch porn. No surprise there. Hell, everyone else is in church, you got the house to yourself - go for it!

Scientists Claim Yellowstone Volcano May Help End World Hunger: Scientists from the Chicago-based start-up “Sustainable Bioproducts” say Yellowstone’s supervolcano could hold the key to ending world hunger - because the extremely efficient extremophiles living inside the volcano may be the solution needed to create sufficient amounts of lab-grown meat. Yea, either that or it will end world hunger because when Yellowstone does blow, there won’t be much of anything left to be hungry.

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Passenger’s Ears Bleed After Plane Loses Cabin Pressure: A Southwest flight from Hartford to Tampa was forced to turn after several passengers complained of pain and discomfort, with at least one passenger bleeding from the ears. Wow, that passenger has my sympathy - bleeding from the ears is really painful. Why I don’t think I’ve bleed from the ears since they announced the 2016 election results.

Study Says Humans Produce Massive Amounts of Saliva: Scientists say that in an average lifetime, humans produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools. Hell, what’s the big deal? Kim and Kanye can swap that much in a single evening.

Cat Alerts Mother as Python Nears Infant Daughter: An Australian woman woke up to find her cat hissing in the early morning and found a python wrapping itself around the arm of her 2-year-old daughter. On the other hand, it’s kind of touching to think that a snake would want to snuggle up with a young child on a cold night.

Shortage of Anxiety Drug Leaves Patients Struggling: For the second time in the past year, a sudden shortage of one of Buspirone, one of the most prominent anti-anxiety drugs, has doctors and patients struggling to find a suitable alternative. Out of anxiety drugs again? That’s enough to get on your nerves.

Howard Schultz Admits He Doesn’t Know How Much Cheerios Cost: Billionaire and former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz was on Morning Joe to discuss what he thinks qualifies him to be president when co-host Mika Brzezinski asked him if he knows how much an 18-ounce box of Cheerios costs - which he didn’t. Now I’ll be the first to admit I have no idea how much a box of Cheerios costs either, but I do know one thing - if Schultz was selling it, it would cost at least $25.

Rand Paul Awarded $580,000 From Neighbor Who Broke His Ribs: A Kentucky jury has awarded U.S. Senator Rand Paul more than $580,000 in damages against a next-door neighbor who broke six of the Republican lawmaker's ribs in a gardening dispute. Then I’m guessing at this point in time it wouldn’t do much good to try and make amends by asking Sen. Paul over some afternoon to barbecue some ribs?

Trump Jeopardizes National Security by Ignoring Intel Community: After President Trump once again attacked US intelligence agencies on Twitter - calling them “passive and naive,” many are becoming convinced that the President’s continual rejection of intelligence agency assessments is placing the security of our nation in jeopardy. It shouldn’t be especially surprising that Trump is refusing to accept intelligence - after all, he has none himself.

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Woman Rages Over Being Seated Between Obese Passengers: An out of control woman on a United Airlines flight was reportedly removed from the plane after raging against the “big fat pigs” she was seated in between. When flight attendants agreed to allow her to sit elsewhere, she continued yelling at the larger passengers “I eat salads, okay!” All I can say is, had they moved her next to me, I would have told her “I eat bean burritos - okay? So you might wanna consider sitting on the other side of the plane.”

Prehistoric Flutes Found in German Cave: A new report in the Journal of Human Evolution determined that prehistoric flutes found in a cave in southwestern Germany date back 42,000 years. While archeologists say they have no idea what type of music the cavemen played on the flutes, my guess is it was “rock” music.

Scientists Know Why Some Dinosaurs Grew Those Long Necks: After years of trying to determine exactly why sauropod dinosaurs grew the world's longest necks, scientists now think it was because of their hollow neck bones. Gee, I always assumed it was to make it easier to peek into their neighbor’s backyards. Word has it those Stegosauruses threw some pretty wild parties.