June Ask Nicole: Practical solutions to everyday parenting challenges

-By Nicole M. Young, MSW

As we head into summer, I am relieved to have a break from my kids’ daily school routines.  But I have to admit that I’m also a bit worried about how to keep my kids occupied during long summer days.  The novelty of summer break can wear off quickly, and my kids have such different interests that it’s hard to find a “one-camp-fits-all” solution.

In this month’s column, we’ll cover “screen time” issues, something that has become common in families with kids of all ages—and of particular concern during the summer when kids often have more time on their hands.  I hear many parents talk about the difficulty of managing the use of cell phones, computers, TV and video games. I hope you’ll find value in the following practical tips and ideas based on the world-renowned Triple P Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question, please drop me a line at triplep@first5scc.org.

Dear Nicole,

In our house, we all like our electronic gadgets, especially our 12-year-old son. He has a phone and tablet computer, and he loves playing video games.  Sometimes we’ve found him on a device while doing homework. We’ve tried to set rules for our son, but he tells us we’re being too strict and that none of his friends have these rules. I’m worried that he will want to spend his entire summer glued to a screen.  What can we do?

Sometimes it seems like every child has access to a device of some kind and probably can use it better than most adults! Kids’ easy access to cell phones, TVs, video games and computers is becoming a cultural norm. While there can be positive elements to “screen time,” too much of it can hurt kids’ development. Yet it’s important for kids to learn how to manage their screen time.  Your son is at a great age to develop this skill.  Here are few tips for managing screen time:

·      Model the desired behavior: Many adults are hooked on multiple devices, which can make it challenging to set limits for their children. Try to monitor your screen time and describe the limits you are setting for yourself. For example, put your phone away during dinnertime. If your phone rings or buzzes, ignore it and say, “I’m going to check it after dinner.”  Modeling and describing your actions shows your son how to set and follow limits.  

·      Set some family rules: Meet as a family and create a few simple rules about screen time, such as how much is allowed per day or when electronic devices need to be off.  Involve your son in creating the rules.  State the rules so that they describe what your child can or will do rather than describing what not to do. For example, “A total of one hour on your phone is allowed during the day; the phone will be put away by 9 p.m. daily and during mealtimes; homework will be completed before playing video games; gaming is limited to 30 minutes per day.”  

 Make screen time an incentive versus an expectation: If your son expects to have screen time whenever he wants, shift this pattern by having him identify goals he will complete in order to earn screen time.  For example, every hour of physical activity earns 15 minutes of screen time. Let him get creative with his goals!

 Provide other engaging activities: Talk with your son about what activities he can do this summer. Whether it is beach time, playing music or a sport, or spending time with friends, encourage your son to participate in activities that do not involve any screen time.

 Acknowledge positive changes: When your son is following the family rules and monitoring his own screen time, be sure to let him know you’ve noticed.

As parents, we’ve entered an era in which screen time is nearly impossible to avoid, and yet it’s still our job to set limits and help our kids learn to make healthy choices on their own.  It can be a tough task, but the guidance we provide now will serve them well throughout their lives.

Look for one of Triple P Santa Cruz County’s parenting pocket guides—one provides tips for parents of children up to age 12 and the other is focused on parents of teens. Both pocket guides are free, bilingual and available at various locations throughout the county. 

Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 10 and 14, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. For more information, including classes and one-on-one meetings to help parents handle everyday parenting challenges, visit triplep.first5scc.org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc or www.youtube.com/triplepsantacruzco. To find a Triple P class or practitioner, contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.