Someone recently gave me some food for thought while contemplating the upcoming new years resolutions. The person was questioning my worthiness to serve as a religious brother and a debate ensued. This debate helped me gain perspective as to why many priests have ridiculed me and outright tried to put a stop to my ministry.
I recognized that it was camaraderie I was seeking from doubters and skeptics and acceptance from those in church authority, those who desperately trying to remove the habit that God placed on me.
In truth, I spent countless days speculating as to why people would go to all this trouble to reject something that God himself has willed. Was it jealously? No. Was it because I'm gay and have Aids? This could very well be. Was it my age that played a factor as many religious orders claimed? No, that was just an excuse. It always came back to discrimination of my being gay.
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I am not beating the discrimination drum, no instead, what helped get me through was one thing; the right to be able to answer God's call. As for the Church condemnation of me, I have forgiven them. I've come to realize that the Church has a hard time accepting God's call to a gay man with Aids.
God may have possibly chosen a gay man with Aids to test the faith of others,. If that's the case I'm up for the job. It appears to be acceptable when the faithful lose their faith. However, when a priest questions the powerful possibilities of God it might be time for a spiritual wake up call. Those in Church authority who lack faith must be renewed with an understanding that all things are possible with God. Granted those in authority see this as a very unorthodox calling. As do I. But I have placed my trust in God regarding his plan.
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God is testing my faith as well. I resolved to never allow the naysayers to cause me to run from God. Its a test of faith not only for the skeptics. its a test for me as well.
As we approach 2012, all positive resolutions are great. As we are blessed with I found my new year's resolution; understand, allow and have faith. A great resoultion to make this 2012 is to refrain from rushing to judgement. Give God the benefit of the doubt. Give God a chance by allowing God to work through us. Allow the power and possibilities of God.