Patch Blog: Who's Really Calling?

As someone who enjoys reading about the lives of the saints, I found myself fascinated about the life of St. Gerard Marjella.

St. Gerard is known as the "Mothers" Saint. He was born in the year 1726. There were many miraculous events in his life, however one thing caught my eye; how different the church was back then in comparison to today's church.

The difference in today's religious orders compared to 1726 is that the orders are far more liberal. However one common thread is the purported ability that they are more than God. As though they have the last say as to what is genuine, a sin and what is not. How they measure this and by what measuring stick is beyond me. They are human just as we are and are all fallible.

The church is not much different than days gone by and neither are people. The fact of the matter is that even today the church discriminates as to what is, "The will of God."

Is it God's will that a wife loses a husband at an early age? After all, isn't what we say to a the young widow who is left with 3 children? What is the difference if a gay man with AIDS finds God calling him? Who judges this? Be careful, remember who judges the Priest who has been sexually indiscriminate. Whose will was that? God's or theirs?

In the life of St.Gerard, discrimination was alive and well. St. Gerard was denied entry to a religious order due to his poor health. Yet he was a fearless man of God and was persistent in his call from God. Finally a priest sent Gerard to a Redemptionist monastery with a note saying, "I'm sending you a useless lay brother." As it turned out, Gerard could do the work of four men. This example shows that the church is not always able to recognize a spiritual calling.

Gerard became a saint.

In the past four years, I have suffered much of what St. Gerard suffered. I have been discriminated against for my age, because I'm gay and have AIDS. I thought the last place that would ever discriminate would be a church.

On the flip side—with the recent priest scandals—the church must be cautious in its decision of who to accept and who not to; but I ask, by what standard can they know?

It is no different than a marriage partner and it takes years to really know someone. Though many men in the seminary go through evaluations in many cases, they don't get it right. In my case, maybe the church just feels there is no way God would have possibly called a gay man with AIDS.

What these men are saying is that SOME things are possible with God and this is flawed because it is written that ALL THINGS are possible with God.

I found St. Gerard remarkable in that he knew without a doubt that God called him, and it showed when he left a note in his room for his mother that said, "I've gone to become a saint." I think that is a true calling; one from the heart. The church fails to understand that although they make decisions, it's actually God at the controls.

I believe I have been to the seminary of life and truly believe that this is the reason I have been overwhelmingly accepted by the faithful. I believe they relate to me on a completely different level. You see, I've walked in their shoes.

For me, I have reached the ultimate joy in my life. One might say I found my niche. I know I have reached a place where most men can only dream of. This sacred place where I'm entwined around the crucifix, asking God "what next?" What can I do for you? A place where I eat, drink and sleep God.

St. Gerard experienced this and yet the church had doubts; and because of his poor health the church slammed the door in his face. Like St. Gerard, I'm on a journey to be a saint. If we all lived with this notion, whether we make it or not, we would live in the presence of God.