How to see your blind spot

There’s a poem I love by Portia Nelson (see below) you may have heard, “I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. etc.” Portia eloquently articulates blind spots. As the poem talks about how we repeatedly making the same mistake, eventually, she says, “My eyes are open, I know where I am.” 
The question is, how do our eyes finally open? And how much hurt do you have to suffer before that occurs?

Oftentimes, a lot. I want to share with you a few ways I practice seeing my blind spot. It may not prevent me from falling in the hole, but it speeds up the time it takes me find my way out!

1. Pay close attention to the reactions I evoke in others. Last week at an amazing staff meeting I evoked a lot of intense feelings! When someone on my staff gets frustrated with me I pay close attention. Am I listening with full attention? Am I not following through? It takes self-reflection but I will seek for the grain of truth or mountain of truth in their reactivity that is reflective in my behavior. Yep, it was true, I was sloppy in some really important areas. I worked hard this week to stay on point and we had a wonderfully productive week together. I have a great staff! They have the courage to point out my blind spots and I have to courage to tolerate the intense feelings that arise in me and listen to what that have to say. Do you evoke frustration? Jealousy? Withdraw? Curiosity? Laughter? Warmth? Respect? If so, what do you have to maneuver within to tolerate the sensations and stay present and connected while doing so?

 

2. Go in to the stuck place and find movement there.  If I feel locked in a situation that has no way out and I feel trapped or stuck, instead of resisting it, I look for the wiggle room within it. If you have a piano with only 3 working keys, there’s still a way to make music. There are some work days that are so demanding that I must be very careful with my thoughts. Instead of internally complaining, whatever the limitation, instead of fighting it, I look to find the new possibilities that live within it. For example, if I’m too tired to complete a project and I don’t have enough time to rest, I’ll just take 2 minute meditation breaks. I’ll force myself to take a long bathroom break and make it include a walk around the block with deep breathing. If I’m driving somewhere and traffic is awful, I’ll pull to the side of the road for 60 seconds and deep breathe and pray. I’ll feel a shift inside so that the inner traffic can flow even if the out traffic is a mess!

 

3. Notice the qualities I have no tolerance for in others. If I don’t like someone’s attitude, I’ll work on my own. I used to have one client who was always late. It would evoke great irritation in me. I’m learned to use those opportunities to find the places where I am late. This is an interesting one for me because I have a lot of pride about ‘never’ being late and yet, there is one friend who I am consistently late for any time we schedule together. Hmmmm. When I look at that more deeply, I feel this person has a subtle way of ‘pulling’ at me that I find myself wanting to pull away from. When I determine to give him my full respect and find a more direct way to set my boundaries by limiting our time together, I feel much better about being on time.

 

4. Expect a knee jerk of denial about having a blind spot. This is due to shame. Shame is one of the most rejectable hidden human emotions. It’s connected directly to our Essential Self. Our pure goodness at some point in time was made unacceptable or strongly rejected. The pure goodness of our Essential Self may look like: being spontaneously creative, expressing love toward someone or something, naming something that was true but not talked about. When our Essential Self was expressed and rejected, we experienced deep shame. Shame is covered by strong fear. When our Essential Self was rejected, its akin to feelings of annihilation! I’ve learned to make a bee line toward the fear.  When faced with confrontations and uncomfortable feelings I’m still shaking in my shoes! But I’ve learned I won’t die from emotional feelings, they are just sensations. I’ve gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable. Fear often evokes procrastination. Procrastination sucks the life force right out of us.

This life is SHORT and PRECIOUS! I wish you courage and tenacity as you lift the veil of your blind spots.

With love,

Laura

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery