Arts & Entertainment
New Surgery Restores Man's Sight Using A Tooth
A satirical look at current events!
New Surgery Restores Man’s Sight Using A Tooth: A radical new surgery in the UK implanted a tooth with a lens into a blind man’s eye and restored his sight. At first I thought, how can you restore eyesight with a tooth and then it hit me, they obviously used an “eye tooth.”
Bono Suggests US Send Amy Schumer to Fight ISIS: Bono recently appeared before the US Senate and advised them that humor as opposed to more violence is the best way to combat extremist groups like ISIS, suggesting the U.S. send Amy Schumer and a few other comics to combat the extremist group. Oh yea, I’ll bet ISIS will just laugh their heads off.
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Zoo Finds Pandas Enjoy Watching Panda Porn: When a pair of bears at the Panda Breeding and Research Base in China showed no interest in breeding, scientists were able to get them to mate by having them watch videos of other pandas having sex. While some are calling it pandering, I’m not surprised it worked. I mean - come on - who doesn’t enjoy panda porn? In related news, Larry Flynt is reportedly offering China millions for the exclusive distribution rights.
Ocean-Mapping Satellite Decommissioned: NASA says it has decommissioned a satellite that tracks rising sea levels after its last transmitter failed, but estimates the satellite will still remain in orbit for about another 1,000 years before falling back to Earth. Scientists say that means the satellite poses no threat to anyone living today with the possible exception of Keith Richards, Betty White and Larry King.
Find out what's happening in Studio Cityfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Hawking and Russian Billionaire Plan Probe to Alpha Centauri: Billionaire Russian investor Yuri Milner and British cosmologist Stephen Hawking announced an ambitious new space initiative to develop swarms of postage stamp-sized “starships" that would travel to our nearest star system Alpha Centauri. Wow, send a postage stamp-sized probe all the way to Alpha Centauri? Now that’s what I call a “forever stamp.”
Ancient Whip Found at Medieval English Monastery: An ancient whip, discovered in the basement of a medieval English monastery, was probably used by monks to whip themselves as a form of penance and to ward off the Black Death. Archeologists say they’ve catalogued the artifact as well as informed Porn Hub that such an item has been found.
Boston’s Gas Pipelines Riddled With Leaks: Researchers say Boston's aging natural-gas pipeline system is rife with more than 3,000 leaks, some of which could pose serious danger for explosions. Not surprising when you consider Boston is a town known for baked beans.
Pot Shot Over Mexican Boarder by Cannon: U.S. Border Patrol agents said they have seized 33 cans of marijuana in a field near the Arizona-Mexico border which were apparently launched through a cannon. Those who witnessed it all described it like this - “and their eyes were red glare, the BONGS bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that our Buzz was still there!”
People Find Upside Down House in Poland Disorienting: Tourists are reportedly waiting in line up to six hours to get to tour Poland’s famous “upside down house,” a house located in the town of Szymbark that is completely upside down. Now I’ve heard about being upside down on your mortgage, but this is crazy. How much you wanna bet that the owner makes his living flipping houses?
Burger King Workers Tricked into Breaking Store's Windows: Some Burger King employees in Coon Rapids, Minnesota are in hot water after receiving a phone from someone claiming to be from the “fire department” telling them that the building had over-pressurized and instructing them to break all of the windows in the store. Now I’m no ace detective, but the first place I’d investigate is the nearest glass company.
