Television Commercials -- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

“It’s a lot to like” says the voice on sight of a handsome BMW climbing a mountain road. It sweeps you into the motion and scenery – it’s soft-spoken, quietly elegant and allows the car to sell itself.  It’s slightly unsettling to watch as the lone passenger sits near an open window in the back seat waving his fingers.  The little boy is adorable but is he secure?  Is he wearing his seat belt?   No matter, we connect with it -- it works!

At the other end of the spectrum you have a V8 commercial – a close up of a young mother taunting her stroller-riding little girl with, “Mommy’s going to have a french fry, yes she is, yes she is!”  At which point the little girl bops her mother in the head.  How about Tony Siragusa telling guys about their manly leaking problem and how to control it with manly pads?  We’ve grown so weary of the Cialis three-part love stories ending with two bathtubs in the middle of nowhere, we could scream.  There is nothing fresh about it – we cringe even when new couples are introduced.  Progressive Insurance (oh no, not Flo)and Capital One are simply annoying – they need more clarity in the way they sell their products.  The US Bank ad is so insincere, it reeks.  Why would you bother to have Edward James Olmos – still playing Jaime Escalante – try to attract customers to your bank?  Or, poet Maya Angelou?  Banks are not hospitals giving you blood transfusions. They’re not even giving you interest anymore.  So, what’s so noble about that?

We haven’t a clue as to the rationale of the United States Post Office making commercials at all.  It’s a monopoly – they’re not facing competition for the delivery of snail mail so you, the customer, cannot give the competition a try.  It’s a waste of money, which they cannot afford.

Good or bad, the Geico commercials seem to work for the insurance giant.  The made-of-money motorcycle rider, the two band members making comparisons about societal changes and their connection to carrying insurance or the little, green gecko.  The heavily-accented gecko strolls into most scenes trying to educate, instruct and amuse us – we sometimes don’t understand a word he’s saying but we at least make a connection between him and his sponsor.  Geico has tried hard to make several different commercials and I give them a A-plus for making consumers smile. The pharmaceuticals are not only dreary but the people look like they’re in deep depression. And who would blame them?  When you listen to the deadly side effects and risks involved in using these wonders of medicine, you can only shake your head in disbelief.  Some of these offenders tell us to ask our doctor for this toxic elixir to fix our physical problems -- we're better off keeping our body chemistry the way it is instead of taking the risk they warn us about. 

The ATT Uverse ads are a mixed bag but at least they allow the young actors to speak to one another.  Some people don’t realize that a company needs to pay actors a minimum for speaking parts.  That’s why most commercials are done with dopey music and a voiceover telling you about the product. As for the car commercials Honda gets some high marks and some low ones.  The worst was the couple driving their new Honda off the lot trying to get away from their salesman whose bit of clothing was caught in their car door.  Last season featured a young woman showing different aspects of her life: her shake mustache, her beach, her car – it was a fun, happy, well-received Honda ad.

The Infinity SUV backing out of a driveway while a child is about to become its deadly target is frightening regardless of the safety features it is selling.  Cadillac is not so good – the music is pounding away but the scenes make no sense (the woman running out of the rain, jumping from umbrella to a building overhang – huh?)  The Subaru is so over-the-top with environmental overkill, it pollutes and kills with kindness.  Lexus can have a good commercial but when it tries for the younger demographic it goes off the cliff.  Range Rover is quietly elegant and sells itself well. Chrysler has a strong touch – a heavy-duty Detroit soundtrack and calm, deep voiceover gets the job done.  Dodge Trucks has the strictly masculine look and sound – girls need not apply! We get a kick out of the Geico camel reminding office coworkers what day of the week it is.The Geico guys explain,  “Happier than a camel on Wednesday.”  Not so much the Viagra man watching the light go on inside the tent.  Apparently it’s hump day for him too!