Viva Las Schwinnistas!

In gridlocked Los Angeles a new law has been put on the books requiring motorists to allow three feet between their vehicles and bicycles when passing on California roads. What a wonderful idea. Let’s make Los Angeles just like downtown Beijing. Maybe we can all get matching spandex outfits with little California Bears? Sorry, Hello Kitty is already taken.

Bike riders can all sprawl across Beverly Glen or Laurel Canyon and ride three or four abreast on the loopy, zigzaging canyon roads in spandex pants, tying up vehicular traffic -- what fun. Last one to Starbuck’s is a rotten egg. Okay so there might be a few people out there like surgeons who need to get into the O.R. because the already-sedated patient in waking up, but hey, bicycle riders have their rights. “Viva La Schwinn and all the Shwinnistas.”

See, it’s a matter of public safety. No, really. Sure, we know about how bike paths could be placed along the river or in less dangerous less densley populated places. That would make bike riding safer and more fun. But that would be missing the point, When someone in government has an idea or opinion about nutrition, exercise or lifestyle they want to make sure everybody gets on the bandwagon for the public good. Bicycle enthusiasts want to indoctrinate all Angelenos to leave their cars in the garage so we can all get good exercise by pedaling those 20 miles to work and home each day.  America used to be about choice adult was allowed to make his own decision.

Yes, we know, that spandex can get pretty darned stinking after riding those canyons in 90 degree heat. But hey, if coworkers object to the stench they can always get nose plugs. True, City Council members have a few cars each, complete with drivers. They think it’s a good healthy idea for the rest of us to use bikes. It’ll give them more road space so their city-owned SUVs can get to urgent business downtown faster.

Any bike rider can squeal on a motorist by reporting a license plate number to authorities. Since the bike riders now seem to have priority on our roads I’d like to make one suggestion. It’ll raise some cash for the state. Create a license plate for each bike in the state. Have the riders tested with rules of the road and charge a fee for the license. With equal opportunity on our roads should come equal responsibility.