THERAPIST THURSDAY: Body Image and Teen Girls

Body image is such a challenging issue, especially among teen girls. Though I do find more and more in my work as a therapist that this issue is impacting boys as well. And certainly, it is an age-old issue with women of all ages. So, while this article is addressing primarily teen girls, as they are at the greatest risk of having a distorted body image, many of the concepts really apply to all populations.

When I became a mother of a girl, my view changed of so many of the images and concepts that exist in our society. I became increasingly aware of how many messages we are given daily about what makes a female attractive. Things we don’t even think about, like the ad on a billboard or commercial or how a doll looks, impact our view of what attractiveness is and what is expected of us as females. I found it intriguing how aware I was of all of these images when I was looking at them through the eyes of a mother trying to teach her daughter healthy things about her own self-image and what gives her worth as a human and as a female.

In my work as a therapist, I see so many young girls who have developed negative and distorted views of their own body. Many have developed eating disorders or very unhealthy and obsessive workout habits as a result. They have bought into concepts our society has invented and named and these kids come to believe it impacts their worth. Things like the “thigh gap” or “six pack abs” can become obsessions for some girls, leaving them to believe they have no worth unless they meet these standards. Even though these standards may be genetically impossible for them to meet.

As both a mom and a therapist, I often ask myself how do we counter these negative messages teens are bombarded with? And possibly even more important, what are the messages we should be sending to them? As I have given this much thought and talked with countless parents about this very topic, I thought I would share a few items that I think are relevant.

First, it is very important that children, especially girls, never see a mom or any older female in their life berate or put down their own body. Statements like, “my thighs are getting too big” or “I am getting fat” or “look at all this cellulite” or “there’s no way I’m wearing a swimsuit” are all things that should be avoided saying in front of or even within ear shot of a young female. Remember, we are our children’s strongest role models. How can we expect them to feel good about their bodies if they see and hear us putting down our own bodies?

Secondly, the focus should never be on how a body looks. Focus should only be on being healthy. When discussing food, it should be about the nutritional content of the food and not about being “fat”. It is a good idea to talk about food groups and how to eat balanced, to teach kids about the nutritional value of food. It is positive to discuss food as fuel. I like how Sesame Street puts it, that there are foods that are good to eat always, and then there are “sometimes foods” like junk food.

Also, when it comes to exercise, again the focus should be on health and not on body image. Our kids should never hear us say we need to hit the gym because we are getting “fat” or “flabby”, instead they should hear us talk about our heart health or endurance or our strength and how those things can be improved by working out.

Finally, when it comes to health, I believe balance is imperative and we must let kids be kids. Children these days are under a great deal of pressure in all areas of their lives. They are pressured to be academically and athletically superior. It can be easy for a child with a perfectionistic personality to begin to over focus on being healthy or fit, in the same way they can obsess on having straight A’s or being a superior athlete. If we can model and encourage moderation when it comes to health and fitness, our children are much more likely to see health as a way of life as opposed to something they focus on at times but then reject or avoid at other times. So be careful if you find yourself expressing concern about having that frozen yogurt or piece of cake; stop yourself before words like, “you better watch what you eat” or “you will get fat if you eat that” come out of your mouth. Allow our kids to be kids, recognize that they are growing and that their metabolism is high and they have an ability to process food without becoming overweight; don’t discourage them if they want to have dessert in moderation.

In summary, if we want our children to have a healthy body image, we must work on having one too. At minimum, we must stop criticizing our own bodies in front of them. If we do this, and we model healthy behavior related to food and exercise, and we teach children about health and fitness keeping moderation in mind, we are likely to have kids who develop a healthy body image. We must also realize, however, that because our children, especially our girls, are bombarded with unhealthy images and messages in society, and because teens are insecure to begin with, they are still very likely to struggle with body image issues to some degree or another. Listen to them, validate them, educate them, and be a good model for them. And in time that healthy image will develop. Be patient, understanding, and supportive while they are working on getting there!

*If you suspect your child has an eating disorder or obsessive exercise habits, it is advised that you seek professional help right away. These issues can become very serious very fast, and early intervention can make a big difference.

Rochelle Whitson is a psychotherapist working in private practice in Temecula CA. She is the author of the blog, meetme4therapy.com.