THERAPIST THURSDAY: Coronavirus: How to Talk to Kids

Others think it’s all an overreaction. Many people are confused about what their reaction should be. In all of this excitement and confusion, kids may have understandable concerns and anxiety.

Kids today have so much to worry about, so many potential threats to their health and safety. Everything from active shooter drills at school to worries about human trafficking, it’s certainly a lot for any kid to process (actually, even for any adult to process). And now on top of it all, we have a new pandemic, COVID19, otherwise known as Coronavirus. It’s now all anyone is talking about. It’s all over social media, the news, and people’s conversations. Schools are canceling events, in some places school itself is being canceled. With all of this activity, it begs the question, what do we tell the kids?

The answer to this is, of course, dependent on the age of the child. But here are some general suggestions:

1. Turn off the news and get off of social media

(this is not exactly about talking with kids, more something you can do. But none the less, very important)

If the news is constantly on, talking about this pandemic, it can incite panic in kids (and adults). Things are changing fast with this virus, so it can be tempting to keep the TV on. But this constant influx of information is not good for our brains. It can cause our sympathetic nervous system to be activated and our flight or fight responses to be constantly engaged. This is not healthy for us physically or emotionally. In fact, it can tear down our immune system, which is not what we want to happen right now! So, I would encourage you, if you are subjecting yourself or your family to a constant influx of information about this virus, to turn off the TV and get off of social media. Think about something else. Do something else. Get periodic updates, but do not let it consume your life!

2. Keep things in perspective

Organizations canceling events and shutting down can be scary. It can create a sense of internal panic. Kids especially can become confused about what this means. After all, if this illness were not very dangerous, we would not be shutting things down, right? So, talk to your kids about WHY things are being canceled. It’s not because this illness is life-threatening to the average person. It’s because if it spreads quickly and many people contract it at once, it can overwhelm the healthcare system. I’ve explained to my kids that certain populations need to go to the hospital for various illness, including the flu, and that if lots of these people get sick at once, the hospitals and doctor’s offices will have great difficulty keeping up with the need. So, slowing down the spread of the illness is to help our health care system be able to handle the need; and this is what the cancellations are about. It does not mean their lives are at risk!

3. Talk to kids about being prepared

A good mantra during all that is occurring is to “BE PREPARED, NOT SCARED!” Talk to your kids about all of the things we prepare for, even though they are not likely to happen. Ask them what they do as soon as they sit down in a car. Point out that we put on our seat belts not because it is likely that we will get in a car accident, and that we are not scared of that happening, but we are just being prepared. Discuss that they have fire drills at school not because we are scared of a fire, but so that we are prepared, just in case. Explain that this is no different. Tell them there’s a likelihood (if/ when it gets to the point that it seems that there is) that things may shut down for a while, but that is just part of being prepared. Explain about the spread of the illness mentioned above, and tell them this is just like putting on your seat belt or practicing a fire drill.

4. Provide them with facts and statistics

Let them know the symptoms are similar to other illnesses they’ve already had, and that it is nothing to be scared about. Tell them what the symptoms are (all things they’re familiar with and have experienced before). Depending on their age, let them know that this virus has killed less people than many other illnesses, and that it’s people who are elderly, have other illnesses, or have a compromised immune system that are at most risk. Give them some of the numbers.

5. Talk about other pandemics throughout history

This morning, I discussed H1N1/ Swine Flu of 2009 with my children. I told them how it was on the news and some people panicked. I answered questions they had about it. And I told them that every so often a new illness occurs and it sometimes causes a pandemic. I then explained what that word means.

Going through this process of explaining these things helps kids to put into perspective what is occurring now, as they can understand that from time to time these things happen, that we are not in some “end of the world” scenario. It normalizes things a bit and gives a sense that this will pass, just as other pandemics of the past have.

6. DO NOT SHOW PANIC in front of your children

(again, this is more about “what to do” instead of “what to say”, but is also very important)

If you are panicking about this, your children will feel unsafe and will develop their own anxieties about it. Children need to feel that the adults in their lives have things taken care of, that they are capable and can protect them. If they see you panicking or worrying, they will too. It will leave them feeling like they do not have an umbrella of safety over them, and they are very likely to develop excessive worry. So, even if you are worried, do not show that in front of your children. Deal with those emotions with adults in your life who can provide comfort to you, but have a brave front around the kids. They need to know that it will all be OK!

7. Encourage them to discuss their fears and answer their questions

Ask your children how they are feeling about Coronavirus, what they have heard about it, and what their thoughts are. Answer their questions in an honest BUT AGE APPROPRIATE manner. If you are talking to a five-year-old, for example, you probably don’t want to go into statistics for Coronavirus or for the flu. A five-year-old’s brain can not process that information in a way that is helpful and it can cause them to develop an irrational fear of the flu or of dying. So, for a child of that age, the seat belt analogy is probably all they need. Let them know you are here if they have further questions or concerns. And check in with them often.

When there is so much happening with this new virus, it’s very easy to feel overwhelmed, for adults and children alike. Keep in mind that this is not the end of the world. It is simply a new illness that we are learning to manage as effectively as possible. Keep in mind that it is not fatal for most of the population. Keep in mind that it will pass and life will return to normal. Be sure to give yourself that comfort and reassurance. And be sure to give it to your kids as well!

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.

Ms. Whitson’s office number for telehealth therapy services is (951) 234-4788.