THERAPIST THURSDAY: Coronavirus: What Do Your Kids Do All Day?

Being stuck inside with so much time on our hands is hard for us all. But I really feel for our youth! They are suddenly in a situation with little to no activity, barely any school work, no outside sports or activities, and isolation from friends. This goes against so many of their developmental needs. Especially for teens, who’s primary developmental task involves developing their self-concept amongst their peers. This situation can put them at increased risk of damage to their mental and emotional health. And then increasing this risk is many of their preferred activities, which done in excess have proven negative effects on issues like depression and anxiety.

So… what’s at the top of your kids list of preferred activities? Being a mother of three as well as a mental health professional who works with youth, I bet I can guess. The top answers are sure to be: social media, video games, and/ or binge-watching shows. Am I right? Is one of these the answer in your household?

If so, I will tell you that there is nothing wrong with any of these activities… in moderation. All of them can be relaxing outlets. Social media and video games can provide social interaction with their peers, which is critical during this time of increased isolation. However, all three of these activities are potentially harmful if done in excess.

Let’s take a look at each one and the risk of harm:

Social Media

As much as parents may dislike it, we have to accept that social media is here to stay. It is not going anywhere. New apps are developed continuously to keep kids engaged and new strategies are developed on each of these apps to keep the site relevant and to keep the youth coming back from more; everything from “streaks” to “likes and follows” to learning the latest dance or watching the latest video so you know what your peers are talking about. That being said, social media also has it’s down side, especially when done in excess. Some of the risks to one’s mental health that I deal in my practice with include things like negative body image, feeling not good enough, and comparing with peers. Not to mention things like bullying and solicitation for sexual or inappropriate behavior. It also entices kids to participate in activities that may not be good for their health or put them at risk. But for the purposes of this article, I am focusing solely on the mental health implications of excessive social media use. Many of the activities on social media create a chemical reaction in the brain similar to using cocaine. Literally opening an app and seeing a “like” or positive response from a peer causes a dopamine rush in the individual’s brain. This has an addictive quality and can lead kids to seek out this sort of peer approval. In addition, constant exposure to other people’s posts can create the feelings of inferiority described above.

Binge Watching Shows

This can be a fun activity and is one I engage in from time to time. But this has risks to our mental and emotional health if not done in moderation. If our kids (or ourselves) spend hours on end day after day watching shows, we are not moving much, we are not engaging others much, we are not being productive at all, and our energy is decreasing. Due to these factors, our risk of depression increases. As humans, we are “work animals”, meaning we are built for productivity. If we spend hours upon hours being sedentary and non-productive, our mood WILL decrease. We will find our energy and motivation decrease and our negative thoughts increase. This puts us at great risk of developing depression.

Video Games

This is probably one of the most challenging topics parents today face. Video games are very fun for youth and they want to play them ALL. THE. TIME. But there is great risk in video games when it comes to mental health. Video games cause that same dopamine boost described above that can be extremely addictive. In addition, it also causes our nervous system to be in an increased state of arousal which activates what is called our sympathetic nervous system. It’s a similar physical reaction as what occurs when one goes on a roller coaster. It provides an adrenaline rush that can be very exciting. The problem, however, is that, unlike a roller coaster, a video game keeps your body in this aroused state for hours at a time. Our bodies are not meant to be in its sympathetic nervous system for more than short bursts, really to keep us out of danger or get us out of danger. Keeping your body in this state of stress for prolonged periods of time increases irritability and anger, makes sleep difficult, and rapidly decreases mood. It can also lead to increased anxiety. This dysregulates our nervous system and is very destructive.

Let me be clear that any of these activities done in MODERATION can be relaxing, enjoyable, and even healthy for us. But doing any of these activities in excessive amounts can have the exact opposite effect. In this time where we are all already at risk of emotional challenges, it is increasingly more important to be aware of how our choices impact our mental health. Adding these activities to part of a balanced schedule that also includes things like productivity, physical activity, mental stimulation, and social interaction can be good for us. BALANCE is the key here. And if find yourself waiting for your kids to decide that they need to limit these activities, I urge you to stop waiting. Due to the addictive quality of these activities along with the temporary enjoyment they provide, it is unrealistic to expect a child or teen to make the decision that they need to have more balance in their routine. Think about it, if kids or teens were capable of this kind of responsible decision making, they would not need parents in the first place. So, if you find yourself worried about your kids not having balance, if you notice them becoming increasingly unmotivated, angry, irritable, or depressed; take action now! They will likely initially be quite irritated or even angry by your decision. But once they “detox” themselves from their excessive activities, you may find a more pleasant and more creative kid replaces the previously angry or unmotivated one. Remember, their mental and emotional health depends on it!

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.