THERAPIST THURSDAY: COVID19- It’s OK to be Sad or Worried!

The death toll increases. More people are laid off of work. Through all of this, feelings of sadness, worry, disappointment, fear and even anger are all to be expected.

Emotion is part of the human experience. This includes not only joy or happiness, but also sadness, fear, worry, disappointment, and anger, as well as many other emotions. They are all “normal” and, in a time like this, they are all to be expected!

Whenever a person experiences a loss, a grieving process is necessary. To grieve is “to suffer disappointment, misfortune, or other trouble.” Another definition of grief is “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Both definitions are quite appropriate for our current situation, as Covid19 continues to cause changes, illness, death, and economic distress for our population. It is indeed causing many losses. And there are tangible losses like the loss of a job or the loss of health. But there are also losses that we may not be able to identify as easily, as they are less tangible, like the loss of predictability, the loss of a sense of safety, the loss of the assumption that everything will be OK, the loss of a sense of power over our own destiny, or the loss of the sense that we can control our circumstances by the choices we make. And these are really just a few of the losses that many of us are currently experiencing. I’m sure if you think about it, you can make your own list of both tangible and more abstract concepts of loss.

In addition to the list above, as the numbers continue to rise and the government makes predictions of much increased American deaths over the next several weeks, the loss of lives become an increasing reality in our minds and perhaps in our personal experiences as well. I know for myself, I became quite sad hearing these predictions in a recent news conference. I felt emotion welling up inside of me and I knew I needed to let it out. Because, here’s the thing… because emotion is a normal part of the human experience, if we do not allow ourselves to feel it when it comes, it will cause us further feelings and can eventually lead to challenges like depression or anxiety.

So, the important thing to do is to let it out when it comes. It is OK to cry! It is OK to feel sad. It is OK to talk about the sadness. It is OK to journal about your feelings. In fact, not only are these things OK, they are important to do so the feelings are processed. Everyone has their own way of processing emotion. And all of them are OK. The important thing is that you attend to them and that you let them out. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you must “be strong” and not allow yourself to experience your emotion. In fact, if you think about it, you will realize that the “strong” thing to do is to actually acknowledge and express your emotion, as it is much more difficult to admit and deal with them than it is to just shove them down.

The way I explain it to my clients is that we are all like those old-fashioned pressure cookers (if you don’t know what those are, a simple google search will help with this analogy). We all have emotion and we all need to let it out. Just like those pressure cookers, once you screw that top on, the pressure starts to build up. But those pressure cookers have a very important feature to them, they have a valve on top that allows the steam to be released when too much pressure builds inside of it. Without this valve, no matter how tight the top is screwed on, eventually the steam will win and the top will blow off of the cooker. If this were to happen, you would be left with a big mushy mess all over! And the same is true for our emotions; if there is no “release valve”, no matter how hard you try to shove down those emotions, eventually they will insist on coming out, and if they have to blow over to do so, they will likely create issues such as depression, anxiety, or panic attacks.

But before that occurs, there will likely be an actual feeling of pressure within your body. This is because emotion is energy. That energy is produced within your body and remains there until you do something to release it. So, I encourage everyone out there to develop their own “release valve”, some way to get this energy out of your body. When your body tells you the emotions are there, rather that be through a sense of pressure, a pit in your stomach, tightness in your shoulders or jaw, a heaviness in your chest, or any other sensation within your body, have a way to FEEL it and RELEASE it. For me, after that news conference, what I needed to do was to cry and to talk about it. Doing so caused me to be quite tired when I was done, as dealing with feelings is literally an emotional workout, causing fatique very much like a physical work out does. But then it allowed me to feel better and lighter again.

I know these emotions will build up for me again; and when they do, I will again express them. This is so important for self-care! And self-care could not be more important in these trying times! This includes both physical AND mental/ emotional self-care. Keep in mind that emotional well-being is directly tied to our immune system working properly. So, as we all do the other things that will keep us healthy during this time in history, please do not forget the very important step of dealing with your emotion and remembering that we are all grieving, and that is OK!

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Psychotherapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.