THERAPIST THURSDAY: How to Talk to Your Kids About Vaping

Many kids believe vaping is not harmful or addictive. So, what are the facts and how can you talk to your kid about it?

If we are to talk to our kids about vaping, we must first be informed. Since many kids are vaping believing it is not harming them, it is important to have accurate information to share with them. First, most kids I talk to are vaping with vaping “juice” that contains nicotine. They say that they like the feeling they get from the nicotine. But even if they are using nicotine-free options, there are still many health risks associated with vaping. For example, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) found that inhalation of chemicals in most flavored e-cigarettes is associated with respiratory disease. Before you talk with your kid, know the facts. There is a lot of information available online. Just make sure you are referring to reputable websites, as the e-cigarette industry is spending lots of money to convince us that vaping is not harmful.

So now we know that vaping is harmful and we want to have this discussion with our kids. How do we increase the odds of them actually listening to us and considering the information we provide? How do we have an engaged conversation that does not feel like a lecture to our kids or cause them to shut down? This can be tricky, especially with a teen! (after all, it is their job to believe we are THE dumbest people on the planet)! Here are some tips to increase the odds of a successful conversation:

· Start the conversation when your kids are young. You have a better chance of influencing their perspective when these conversations begin before vaping is something their peers are doing. So elementary school is a good time to casually begin the conversations.

· Have the conversation when things are calm. Do not wait until there is an issue with vaping. Talk about it NOW. Do it during a time of harmony when things are going well between you and the kid. Don’t wait until you have suspicion that your kid may be vaping

· Bring it up casually. Don’t start the conversation with a preface of, “we to talk about something” that makes them feel like they are in trouble or something big is coming. Instead, bring it up the same way you would bring up other, more casual topics.

· Start with asking them about their thoughts on the subject. Say something like, “hey, I’ve been hearing a lot about vaping lately and I was wondering what your thoughts are about it.” Then LISTEN. Even if what they are saying is misinformed, hear them out. Ask questions that show that you are interested and that you are not going to shut them down or make them feel dumb. It’s very important that it not feel like an argument or they will stop engaging in the conversation.

· Ask them questions about why kids vape. The information I have on kids’ perspective comes from questions I’ve asked my clients, my own kids, and their friends on the subject. I am particularly interested in why kids are doing it. When you have information about this, do not put down those perspectives. Just ask the kid what they think about that reasoning. You may be surprised to learn they have already been thinking through the topic and have some of their own opinions on it, one way or the other.

· Talk about peer pressure. Ask the kid if they think part of why kids do it is because their friends are doing it or because they think it is “cool.” Don’t put down kids for thinking this way or for doing things because of peer pressure. Instead, normalize peer pressure. I’ve told my kids, “I remember being concerned about fitting it, it’s a very normal thing to want.” Then ask what they think about kids doing things they may not be comfortable with in order to fit it. Ask if there are other options besides conforming.

· Ask your kid if they’ve ever been offered a vape and if so, what they did. And most importantly, be sure to STAY CALM no matter what response you may get. Also ask them what they think they will do if they are ever approached about vaping.

· If they have misinformation that you would like to correct, do so with the same casual and inquisitive tone. Tell them that you’ve heard it is bad for you, as opposed to saying it is bad for them, which will make them feel like you are lecturing them and dismissing what they said. This will make them shut down and the conversation will go nowhere productive.

· Give them some of your sources. This is where having that knowledge from reputable websites come in. I’ve pointed out to my kids that the vaping companies are very invested in getting their generation addicted, so they are putting out a lot of misinformation about the safety of their product.

· Discuss the history when it comes to nicotine and the cigarette companies. If you know someone who smokes, use them as an example, discussing how they or their peers became addicted as a result of smoking during a time when it was “cool” to do so. Teens tend to think only of the here and now. Helping them have some historical reference increases the odds that they will begin to look at this issue in a more logical way and will consider issues beyond fitting in with their friends during this stage of their lives.

· Have the conversation often. Bringing up the issue one time is not enough. Like all important issues, we should be having ongoing, casual conversations with our kids about this topic. If you bring it up in a natural way, this is not hard to accomplish. For example, I recently heard a commercial for vaping when in the car with my kids. I asked them their thoughts on what was said. Then I went on to ask them what they thought was in vapes that gave them their flavor. I pointed out that cotton candy flavored vape juice could not, of course, contain cotton candy, as it would kill us to ingest that in our lungs. Which meant it was created by chemicals made to taste and smell like cotton candy. I then asked them what they thought about the idea of breathing those chemicals into their lungs. I then talked with them about how the tobacco companies used to lie to consumers when their grandmother was their age about the safety of tobacco. These statements were made with feedback from them in a back and forth manner; it was not a monologue from me, which would have led to them shutting down.

· If you feel your kid tuning out, stop talking. Save the conversation for later and try again. If you continue to talk when they have disengaged, not only will they not hear or consider what you have to say, but you will also have spoiled the subject as one you can discuss casually with them. Continuing increases the odds that this will be a topic they no longer want to hear from you on.

These tips are purely for preventative purposes. They apply to conversations a parent would have when there is no reason to suspect your child is already vaping. If you suspect they are vaping, there needs to be a more direct approach that likely includes consequences and doing things to stop the behavior.

Obviously, all of these suggestions can not be implemented in one conversation. It is something to be discussed over time, being sure not to make your kids feel like you are harping on the topic. Be sure to end each conversation letting your kid know that they can always come to you if they have any questions, if they ever do try vaping and want to discuss it, or if they are offered a vape. Having set the framework with these ongoing conversations where you are calm, you are listening, and you are engaged will greatly increase the chances that they will approach you when they need guidance of the subject.

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA.

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