THERAPIST THURSDAY: How is YOUR New Year's Resolution Going?

As part of this evaluation, may people make resolutions, promises to themselves and statements to others about what they will change in the coming year. And this year is even more significant, because it is not just the beginning of a new year, but also of a new decade. So many see this as an opportunity to really evaluate and change what is not working in their lives.

I, personally, do not make New Years Resolutions. What I do try to do, however, is use it as a time to reflect on my own life and set some goals for the upcoming year. Usually included in those goals are improvements I’d like to make in my relationships, in my personal habits, and perhaps financial or lifestyle goals as well. I strongly subscribe to the notion that life is a journey and that, as part of that journey, we need to be open to growing and changing and learning. And I think self reflection is a big part of that. What better time to reflect than as we begin a new year, and even a new decade?

Resolutions, rather in the form of reflection and goal setting or in an actual declaration of change, can be helpful or they can be something that holds us back. Here are a few tips to help them be beneficial:

· Set realistic goals

This may seem like an obvious suggestion. But many of us set goals that are too far outside of what we are currently doing. This will quickly go from feeling exciting to feeling overwhelming. So instead of going from drinking coffee, soda, and alcohol everyday to only eating organic vegetables and whole foods, maybe start with cutting out the soda and see how that goes for a few days. The goal can be to be a healthy eater (and drinker) only by the end of a few months, but don’t expect yourself to change your entire lifestyle in one quick swoop and to stick with it. Or, if you want to make that drastic of a change in one moment, make sure you build in the kind of accountability and support you will need. Foresee where you are likely to slip up and make a plan before this happens of what support will be in place to deter the undesired behavior. Thinking ahead and making sure our goals are realistic greatly increases the chances of long-term success.

· Break it down into small steps

Once you have a realistic goal, break it down into a plan of small steps. Look at how to implement the changes in a way that provides details that allow for success. Write these steps down. Make sure each step is both do-able and not too overwhelming. They need to be small and manageable!

· Focus on what you need to do that day or in the moment

Now that your goals are set and your plan for implementation allows for the time, support, or accountability to be successful, don’t focus on the long-term goal. Instead focus your time and energy into what you need to do today or in that moment. Remember the old saying of “one day at a time.”

· If you mess up, don’t catastrophize

Remember that we are all human and that change is hard. Expect some slip ups along the way. And when they happen, don’t make it the end of the world. Instead, get right back on track. Keep in mind that change is a PROCESS. It happens through a series of decisions, and is not typically a “make or break” because of one decision.

· Remember that lasting change happens through moderation

Study someone who has success in the area you are trying to change, rather that be fitness, finances, education, career, relationships, or anything else. People who navigate these issues successfully apply moderation to the issue. This means that they don’t ALWAYS do it perfectly. If they mess up, they get right back to their good habits and they don’t expect themselves to always have it all together. They make good decisions with the given issue most of the time, and this adds up to long term and lasting success. So keep this in mind. You are not trying to run a sprint; you are training for a marathon. You want long term success. So apply some moderation to your thinking and to your actions!

I hope these tips help you to change whatever isn’t working in your life for 2020, strengthens whatever is, and improves whatever you’d like to do better! Happy New Year!

Rochelle Whitson is a psychotherapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.