THERAPIST THURSDAY: My Teen May Need Therapy!

Just this last week I have had four friends reach out to me regarding their teen’s behavior. Plus, I get numerous calls regarding teens each week in my therapy practice. So I thought it might be helpful to explore what is “typical teen behavior” and what may require treatment.

Let me start by saying that being a parent of a teen can be one of the most challenging jobs on the planet! There are so many issues that contribute to this. First, you have the fact that their hormones are all over the place, leading to mood swings that can make you think your child has developed bipolar disorder! On top of that, they are entering a stage in their lives where peer relationships become increasingly important, which causes a lot of insecurity for every kid. Then throw in that this is the time in life when their developmental task is separating from their family of origin so they will be able to enter the world as an individual and be successful. Combine this with the challenges of beginning to discover dating and sexuality and the awkwardness and insecurity that comes along with that. And then add the stress of responsibilities like academics and sports and other activities. All of this combined can be a recipe for many, many challenges! Families struggle with so many issues during this time with their teen. There is worry and concern, anger and frustration, and often increased conflict. So, when is this all part of the process and when is there a need for professional assistance?

If your child participates in any self harming behaviors, it is definitely recommended that you get him/ her in to see a therapist. This can include cutting of any kind as well as thought or self harm or suicide. Any thoughts of harming others should obviously be addressed as well. Unfortunately, cutting has become more and more common amongst middle school and high school students. Some signs that your kid could be cutting include: withdrawing, seeming depressed, suddenly wearing long sleeves or long pants, seeming stressed a lot, or stating they have no friends. If you notice these issues, it may warrant a trip to a therapist.

Anxiety is another big issue that often requires treatment. A child can exhibit different types of anxiety. The two most common forms of anxiety I see amongst teens is social and academic/ performance anxiety. With social anxiety, the child may have difficulty talking to others, may seem to doubt themselves constantly, may withdraw from peers, often feels like he/ she doesn’t belong, often her self-critical thoughts about things like how they talk, how they dress, people looking at them or judging them, or any number of other topics. With performance anxiety or academic anxiety, the teen may get nervous before tests or presentations to the point of not being able to recall the information, though they were prepared going into the situation. They may have difficulty performing at their sport, despite being very good at practice. In both cases their self doubt and negative self talk get in the way of being able to accomplish what they would be able to without the anxiety.

If you believe your teen may be depressed, seek help immediately. There has been a severe increase in the amount of teen suicides in recent years. It is quite alarming to me how much more common this issue is amongst the teen population. If you believe your teen is depressed, I urge you to seek help immediately. Teens who are depressed will often hide it from their family. Signs your teen may be depressed include, but is not limited to, any sudden change in behavior, isolating from friends and family, not being joyful about things they used to enjoy, a sudden decrease in grades, seeming not to care about things anymore, or expressing feelings or thoughts of hopelessness. While all teens are moody at times, if you suspect depression it is best to err of the side of caution and have your teen assessed.

As I mentioned, anger can be a sign of depression. And anger is also a common teen emotion, especially paired with irritability or frustration. But if your teen is always angry and never seems happy anymore, even around their peers, it may be time to seek professional help.

Increased family conflict is another reason one may seek therapy. Due to all of the challenges of the teen years, its impossible to get through them without some increased conflict. But if you find that your family is in conflict more than there is peace, if people seem constantly irritated with each other, it may be a good idea to see a therapist. You may be amazed at the change that can happen in the family dynamic with some family therapy.

This list is in no way meant to be all-inclusive, and each situation is different. Each parent must use their own judgement about if and when to seek outside assistance in dealing with a teenager. Just remember that the teen years are hard. It is not about how good of a parent you’ve been or if you’ve succeeded or failed as a parent. Therapy is a resource that is available to help with some of the tough times, if needed. If you’ve done your best, as most parents do, then you’ve been a good parent to your teen. Keep in mind that eventually they’ll realize that and the conflict and challenges will reduce. And one day they’ll become “normal” people who will again be capable of rational thought. In the meantime, hang in there, love them when you can, be there for them when they let you, and remember that it does get better!

**This information is in no way intended for diagnosing or treating. If you are concerned about the risk of harm to self or others, please seek immediate assistance. **

If you have a topic you would like addressed, feel free to email Rochelle at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.

Rochelle Whitson is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. For more information, please subscribe to her blog at www.meetme4therapy.com.